|Author||Topic: Am I totally hopeless??|
Posted: 27th September 2003 16:30
One of my dreams when I first started writing music was that one day i'd be able to write a pop song if I felt like it. I've been trying for a long time without much success. Here's the latest attempt in demo form:
It's only a verse - what I plan is for another verse with the same melody but with different lyrics after the picollo break. I understand that it should probably have a chorus too for it to be called a 'pop song' but this is mostly an exercise in getting more familiar with the art of writing songs, so I'll be happy if I can complete it as intended. What i need is your advice and help:
Firstly, do you think it's any good?? Do you find the picollo break irritating? [i love it, but my cousin thinks it sucks] I know about the singing and the background noise, so I was hoping for someone willing to sing on this - anyone want to do it? The backing track won't take long for me to finish because it'll just be a repeat of the first part with some extra instrumentation. And does anyone think he/she could add some understated guitar on this??
Please let me know if anyone can help and if you like it, I'll be really proud if I can finish this one cos I like the melody and it'll be my first [almost] proper pop song.
BTW here are the lyrics for the first verse sung:
How far can I see
When I know that it's hard
To fill the day
|Moritz Morpheus MkIII|
Posted: 27th September 2003 17:02
to your original question, "am I totally hopeless?":
the question if this is a popsong..
..but I once again like it because I don´t listen to it like..oh, this is too loud, or..this part is crap, or, maan, this dude sings wrong...
you have a strangely nice approach that I can´t explain how it gets me but it gets me..(I´m shure we non-native englishspeakos understand each other, blabla!)
Posted: 27th September 2003 17:08
MORITZEY!! Long time, no see. [ it's my fault, of course - I just want to say 'GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN' ]
Not a pop song. Damn! If you look at it in an analytical way, this is probably the Plan 9 From Outer Space of pop songs. It's nice to know that you feel something when listening to it, though. I totally understand what you mean.
Posted: 27th September 2003 18:20
Yo yoo Trist
More drums to pop it up... maybe take a listen to some other(commercial) pop to get some inspiration...
this is a good start but only 1 min? u need at least 3:50min
ill take a second listen tomorrow and see if i can come up with some thoughts
gotta get my bed done now... Zzzzz
Posted: 27th September 2003 18:36
Yeah, more drums would be a good start I think. I am listening hard to commercial pop at the moment [Prefab Sprout, Talk Talk, Saint Etienne etc.] but I can't get the hang of it. Maybe some people just can't do it.
I was planning for 2-2,5 minutes long cos I don't think I'll be able to write a chorus, or a bridge or a middle eight. Or anything. I need help on this pop stuff.
If you have any ideas, you can share them with me!
Posted: 27th September 2003 18:55
Sing up there lad, no mumbling orange boy!
For a chorus , I thought of summat like; G, Aminor, F, Eminor, F, Aminor, G, G.
Simple is best - honest. Rearrange the chords randomly, call it a middle 8 - sorted!
Posted: 27th September 2003 19:52
Hehe, I'll try but I think mumbling is the best I can do Donks! I'll try that chorus idea.
BTW Donks, as I have already mentioned, I have been listening to Talk Talk lately and Mark Hollis's voice reminds me a lot of your singing. Influenced, are we?
Posted: 27th September 2003 20:39
Nah, that bastard's been ripping me off for years. He probably just smokes too much too.