I've been trying to decide what to post here. I didn't know how personal I wanted to get.

38, female, divorced with a fiance.

Up until about six years ago, I wanted nothing more than to be dead. I attempted several times with overdosing on insulin, but always something prevented my actual death.

I have severe clinical depression, and have for most of my life. Anxiety has piled itself on in recent years, and now I'm stuck on psych meds that I'd really rather not be on, but when I stop taking them, I try to kill myself again, so it's best I stay on them.

I've never really been good at making friends in real life. Online I have a few, but I've only really ever had three close friends. I was married to one of them, I wanted to marry another (which is also the reason we're not friends anymore), and I'm going to marry the third. I suppose it's good that when I've been married it's been to my best friend.

I had a happy marriage for the most part, but it all fell apart at the end.

I don't have any children, and I don't want any. I don't trust myself to be responsible enough for children, not to mention that they cost too much money, and I feel I have nothing to offer them, anyway.

I've worked in customer service, service, housekeeping, and the movie biz as a spark.

I've attended school at several of the colleges around the Twin Cities. I started going to school to become an architect, then a mechanical engineer (I love working out how things work, mechanically), film, and 3d animation.

I don't have any degrees.

My life completely fell apart in late 2002, and I haven't had a job since late 2001/early 2002.

I found my soul mate in 2006 when Mark contacted me online. We're almost a mirror image of each other interests-wise, other than me hating sports when we met, but now I'm a Patriots, Wild, and Twins fan (although he likes the Red Sox). I took a chance in meeting him in person and traveled from Minnesota to Alabama by myself (by plane) and stayed with him for a week. He didn't harvest my kidneys, so I was happy about that.

He moved here in June of 2006, and we bought a house together (with my parents' help) in 2009.

We have a cat, Kaylee, and a Border Collie/Siberian Husky mix puppy. Kaylee is 2 years old this month, and puppy will be 15 years old in August (if she makes it that far ).

I used to play bass in high school and just after, but I gave it up when if I played for an hour it hurt for a week.

In 2009 when I decided to get back into music it nearly split Mark and I up. I spent way too much money on ACID Pro 7 and a Keystation 88es. He wasn't happy.

I've only recently written my first, second, and third compositions ever. I like them, but I know I can do so much more.

I have too many hobbies that I don't spend enough time on, so I'm only marginal, skills-wise, at any of them.

If you think that's a lot, there's so much more that I think I'll keep to myself for now.

although I haven't been replying to this thread, I am finding it enormously fascinating. what a wondrous thing music is. some of us are wanting to be stars, some are just having a blast recording for the hell of it, and some are having personal problems and music is seemingly a big comfort to them.

I tried not to let turning 60 bother me too much, but it has a way of creeping into the brain pan. What really shocked me was the sudden death of my best friend last Monday. He was 10 yrs. younger than me, and an accomplished singer/songwriter of country-western music. He also had a successful business as as a family and marriage counsellor. He was, for all intents, healthy, robust and had a positive outlook on life. He died in his sleep, which, I guess is the best way to go if you have to. We're all in shock here (especially his wife of 23 yrs.), and waiting on the autopsy report.
I've always been keenly aware of my mortality, but this brings it right to the forefront. I've always been "Woody Allen" about death, if you know what I mean. My wife claims to not be afraid of death at all, in fact she says she's comfortable knowing it is all part of the process of existence, and even looks forward to it. We're both agnostics, by the way. I know I'm in serious need of mental adjustment, but I'm the type of person who could never buy into any faith-based philosophy. So I'm doomed to searching endlessly for answers. So armed with my "papas little helper" the SSRI Lexipro, I'll keep on boogyin' down Broadway and makin' music.

I am an unashamed Trekky, love pretty much any genre of Sci Fi/Fantasy.

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend... Please accept my heartfelt commiserations on this tragic loss. It's heartbreaking to think that someone so young has left someone so young behind.
I think most of us here are in need of some kind of mental adjusting at some point in our lives:) Your wife seems to have a very positive take on mortality... can't be a bad thing.

I have severe clinical depression, and have for most of my life. Anxiety has piled itself on in recent years, and now I'm stuck on psych meds that I'd really rather not be on, but when I stop taking them, I try to kill myself again, so it's best I stay on them.

My Wife and I feel exactly the same way.
...about us having kids, not you. I mean, I'm sure you would be great parents if that's what you wanted but... ugh. I'll just put my foot in my mouth now.

I hate telling people this because they (especially family) always tell me that we're just naive or selfish. Well, that may be true...

I never ever understood that idea. I've had it said to me too. As far as I'm concerned there's nothing more selfish than having children. Not saying people shouldn't have kids, but many fool themselves afterwards that they're doing something altruistic. Which is crap - they had kids for their own personal reasons that made their own lives better or more fulfilled or whatever. They didn't have kids for their kids' sake, they had them for their own sake. Of course once they've had them most decent parents put their kids before themselves (which is altruistic), but that has nothing to do with why they had them in the first place. And nothing peeves me more than parents telling me I'm lucky to have money to spend on myself and wife - i.e. we go to restaurants regularly, we go on holidays regularly etc. We can do that exactly because we chose not to have kids. They chose to have them, so they have nobody but themselves to blame for having less money.

Parents will say they were altruistic having kids, as it's all about their kids. My response is that we're being altruistic as we can spend time and effort on our marriage and on each other.

Neither is right or wrong, but no way is deciding not to have kids selfish. (Although that almost sounds like a triple negative to me...)