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If I Had a Pair of You - JJ

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Moderators: Scoops, Moderators (Main)

joejohnstun
KVRist
 
37 posts since 30 Jan, 2014

Postby joejohnstun; Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:36 am If I Had a Pair of You - JJ

High! My second KVRAudio song. Also not EDM! I don't know when I'll get the point.

This one is a bona fide demo with not a shred of pretentions toward being an actual song yet. This song kept me awake the other night, so I wrote it down and still liked it the next morning. I slapped together one guitar, one vocal, and a few claps so I could show you its bare bones.

I wanted to get some feedback on those bones (structure, lyrics, melody, length, gimmicks) before it fully settled onto my DAW.

Also, if you have any ideas about things you think would sound nice in the final product, I would be much obliged.

Thank you!


https://soundcloud.com/joejohnstun/if-i-had-a-pair-of-you



If I Had a Pair of You

If I had a pair of you I wouldn't know which one to choose
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough
So I'd buy you both mismatching shoes and I'd take you on a swinger's cruise
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you

They said one of you's enough and three's a crowd and two's too much
But I'm unlucky and one and two and love
So I'll double my chances to sweep you off
And I can never ever get.. get enough of you

If I had two of you the same
I'd give you both silly nicknames, call one of you Mary, the other one Jane
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough
I'd roll you up in pretty paper I'd smoke one now and save one for later
I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you

If I had a pair of you I wouldn't know which one to choose
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough
And if you two made my wish come true, I'd only wish for one more you
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough and
I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you

She said one of me's enough and three's a crowd and two's too much
But I'm unlucky in lust and too and love
So I'll double my chances to sweep you off
And I can never ever get.. get enough of you


If I had a pair of you I'd let you both have other me's too

Because I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough and
I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you
Last edited by joejohnstun on Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Frantz
KVRAF
 
2669 posts since 18 Jul, 2008, from New York

Postby Frantz; Sat Mar 01, 2014 3:26 pm Re: If I Had a Pair of You - JJ

It's a well written song and it's pretty unique. For me, it teeters between whimsical playfulness and creepiness.

Reading the lyrics there were two variations of this line, neither of which scanned well:

But I'm unlucky and one and two and love
But I'm unlucky in lust and too and love


I would suggest changing both of them to:

But I'm unlucky in love and too in lust


FYI, I gave you feedback on the other song you posted here.
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joejohnstun
KVRist
 
37 posts since 30 Jan, 2014

Postby joejohnstun; Thu Mar 06, 2014 6:24 pm Re: If I Had a Pair of You - JJ

omg I'm so sorry, I went to work in the Merida Carnaval for a week- just got back! Exhausted!

"I'm unlucky and one and two and love" - makes absolutely no sense at all. However there ARE a couple of easy lines in there that would "expose" me in ways that I felt uncomfortable with. "I'm unlucky in one and too in love" meaning I'm so in love with her but she doesn't like me so maybe if I had a clone I might get lucky with the 2nd one. Or "I'm unlucky in lust and too in love" meaning about the same thing. Both of which came with the original song in my head, but neither of which I felt comfortable with saying. So I chose to go with the 'and' gibberish instead. Yeah, it's a cop out.

Thanks so much for your help!


JJ.

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