KVR Audio

Deep Purple · Post by **Deep Purple** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 7:54 pm

Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower?
A. The neighbors don't get upset when they see you taking a lawnmower into the yard

Q. What do a banjo and a baseball have in common?
A. People cheer when they see you hitting one with a bat

Q. If you're in a room with Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Kenny G and you have a gun with two bullets, who do you shoot first?
A. Shoot Kenny G twice. Just to make sure...

Q. How many non-jazz playing trumpeters does it take a change a light bulb?
A. None, they can't get up that high

Q. What do you call a drummer wearing a suit?
A. The defendent

Q. How does a musician get his car to go faster?
A. Take the Dominos Pizza sign off the roof

ariston · Post by **ariston** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 8:34 pm

Excerpt from a high school essay:

"Beethoven was deaf, so he wrote very loud music."

And one more time for our men in uniform:

What's got an asshole and three legs?

A drum stool.

foosnark · Post by **foosnark** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 8:42 pm

A viola player asked his friend, "did you hear my last recital?"
The friend answered, "I hope so."

bibz1st · Post by **bibz1st** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 8:57 pm

Couldnt think of any nob jokes so...
Blah blah blah
Small pianist

trimph1 · Post by **trimph1** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 8:59 pm

Why do cellists have trouble getting into their home?

Can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

Deep Purple · Post by **Deep Purple** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:28 pm

foosnark wrote:A viola player asked his friend, "did you hear my last recital?"
The friend answered, "I hope so."

Q. How do you make a viola player play with more vibrato?
A. Give him a semibreve to play and write "solo" next to it

cryophonik · Post by **cryophonik** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:33 pm

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?

Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo.

trimph1 · Post by **trimph1** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:46 pm

Perfect pitch is when a cello gets tossed into a dumpster without hitting any side of said dumpster.

I said that to my string teacher many years ago and she just about bit my head off

Unfocused · Post by **Unfocused** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 12:36 am

Most musician jokes fall a little flat for me...

-u

Nightpolymath · Post by **Nightpolymath** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:58 am

Unfocused wrote:Most musician jokes fall a little flat for me...

-u

Yeah pretty deflating. Like going into a bar and being told they don't serve minors.

Ben H · Post by **Ben H** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 12:09 pm

Kenny G walks into an elevator and says, "man this music rocks!!!"

Aloysius · Post by **Aloysius** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 12:17 pm

Lil Wayne playing the Guitar.

cryophonik · Post by **cryophonik** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 10:55 pm

Nightpolymath wrote:
Unfocused wrote:Most musician jokes fall a little flat for me...

-u

Yeah pretty deflating. Like going into a bar and being told they don't serve minors.

That's still no reason to diminish this thread.

Tricky-Loops · Post by **Tricky-Loops** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:11 pm

Why are Mexican trumpets sounding so strange?

- Because to mute them, they fill them up with Coca leaves.

Tricky-Loops · Post by **Tricky-Loops** » Fri Mar 06, 2015 11:26 pm

How do the Swiss people create foehn?

They use alphorns!

Your Favorite Musician Joke ?