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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Aw_6xfiF3Y

Yes, perfidious_ba is me, going under the radar to make dark-sounding homemade dnb. Hopefully I'm in the ballpark somewhere. A friend who heard this told me she couldn't believe I don't take acid.
"The Law speaks too softly to be heard amid the din of arms." -- Gaius Marius {Roman consul,soldier}

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My Feedback

Music - 3
Instruments - 5
Performance - 8
Mix - 9

Overall - 6.25

Comments: Commenting in real time. Intro on the creepy side. Waiting to see where it goes. Sounds like wolves or something. Well, we're a minute and a half in and finally going somewhere. Interesting vocal samples. Drums nice and chaotic. This DnB stuff never was a favorite of mine but this is different, kind of. 2:35 in and waiting for the next progression. Personally, piece is just too stagnant for me. Sounds like a 7 minute track that could have been 3 minutes. Well, we're 4 minutes in and it's pretty obvious by now that there's not going to be any kind of distinguishable melody. The wolves are pretty much going throughout. Seems to be the main focus along with the beat. 5 minutes in and I've pretty much heard enough. Really kind of bored now. Kind of reminds me of that Cyan Cat or whatever that thing is called that goes on for 24 hours. The first time I tried listening to that it almost drove me mad. This would pretty much do the same thing. Only positive I can say is that the mix is excellent and performance itself is competent. Musically, doesn't do anything for me. Sound wise, not much interesting there either outside of the wolves. Sorry, just isn't my cup of tea.

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Here is a better version with more variety, especially in the 2nd half:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=go4F1ify2v4
"The Law speaks too softly to be heard amid the din of arms." -- Gaius Marius {Roman consul,soldier}

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Dude, don't take wag's comments on underground dance music too seriously, that's not his thing. This is dark and tracky, I like it. Don't overdo the breakdowns, my sense at about 3:16 (in the first version) is that the percussive solos are a bit forced, work on subtlety there. TBH: KVR is not the place to get good constructive feedback on these styles, seek out DJ focused forums. Definitely better at about 4:30 or so but drags on too long. You need more in the final stretch of the track.

Keep in mind with tracky stuff that you need variation in other ways. You need new elements that support while maintaining the tracky feel. From my point of view, the second mix does not achieve that. If this were my track I'd be thinking acoustic hi-hats/ride cymbals at some point. That said, I would not call myself a DNB expert so I would defer to posters that are, wags is not.

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wagtunes wrote: Cyan Cat or whatever that thing is called
It's Nyan Cat.

Really good track, very atmospheric, great mixing and sound-desing. Referring to the Wags' comment, this is not a kind of music where I would expect a "distinguishable melody", these are not needed here. It should be based on groove and deep brooding atmosphere which is pefrectly executed in this track.

On the other hand I agree with Ghettosynth that the second half could have more variation.
You may think you can fly ... but you better not try

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I do want to say just one thing and then I'm on the next train to old man's town.

If we limit the critiques and responses to only people who understand the genre being presented, there's going to be a lot of silence on this forum. As it is, I hardly get any response to anything I post. So I try to contribute to each thread of music because I know what it's like to be ignored.

So if nothing else, I hope my willingness to listen to other's music is, if nothing else, appreciated. Otherwise, there's really no point in my being here.

Finally, if people here would prefer that I stay out of their threads when they post something because they feel I don't understand their music, just let me know and I will be more than happy to comply.

Peace.

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wagtunes wrote:I do want to say just one thing and then I'm on the next train to old man's town.

If we limit the critiques and responses to only people who understand the genre being presented, there's going to be a lot of silence on this forum. As it is, I hardly get any response to anything I post. So I try to contribute to each thread of music because I know what it's like to be ignored.

So if nothing else, I hope my willingness to listen to other's music is, if nothing else, appreciated. Otherwise, there's really no point in my being here.
I think any kind of comments (except for deliberately offensive) should be appreciated. Even if it's not "your" genre, you can give some fresh perspective. However you should also be aware that your own backgroud as a producer and a listener may stand on your way when you are trying to understand a genre outside of your comfort zone. I guess, you are more used to melodic music based on live performance (or at least trying to imitate live performance), so most of electronic music based on repetitive beat and not having a prominent melody may sound boring to you at the first listen. However if you really want to understand what it's all about, try listening to it more closely, follow all the subtle changes happening along the way, try focusing on the atmosphere. Probably (not necessarily but probably) you'll find that some of this "boring, repetitive music" is actually quite enjoyable.
You may think you can fly ... but you better not try

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recursive one wrote:
wagtunes wrote:I do want to say just one thing and then I'm on the next train to old man's town.

If we limit the critiques and responses to only people who understand the genre being presented, there's going to be a lot of silence on this forum. As it is, I hardly get any response to anything I post. So I try to contribute to each thread of music because I know what it's like to be ignored.

So if nothing else, I hope my willingness to listen to other's music is, if nothing else, appreciated. Otherwise, there's really no point in my being here.
I think any kind of comments (except for deliberately offensive) should be appreciated. Even if it's not "your" genre, you can give some fresh perspective. However you should also be aware that your own backgroud as a producer and a listener may stand on your way when you are trying to understand a genre outside of your comfort zone. I guess, you are more used to melodic music based on live performance (or at least trying to imitate live performance), so most of electronic music based on repetitive beat and not having a prominent melody may sound boring to you at the first listen. However if you really want to understand what it's all about, try listening to it more closely, follow all the subtle changes happening along the way, try focusing on the atmosphere. Probably (not necessarily but probably) you'll find that some of this "boring, repetitive music" is actually quite enjoyable.
Actually I am beginning to listen to all those subtle things, sounds coming and going and even in subtle panning here and there.

Contrary to what people think of me musically, I've actually done quite a few pieces that would be considered "different." Problem is, few people listen to anything I do anyway so nobody really knows what I'm about. But I've listened to everything from Tiny Tim to Tangerine Dream.

But people will perceive what they will perceive and there's really not a lot I can do about that but just accept it.

Trust me, I have.

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wagtunes wrote:I do want to say just one thing and then I'm on the next train to old man's town.

If we limit the critiques and responses to only people who understand the genre being presented, there's going to be a lot of silence on this forum. As it is, I hardly get any response to anything I post. So I try to contribute to each thread of music because I know what it's like to be ignored.

So if nothing else, I hope my willingness to listen to other's music is, if nothing else, appreciated. Otherwise, there's really no point in my being here.

Finally, if people here would prefer that I stay out of their threads when they post something because they feel I don't understand their music, just let me know and I will be more than happy to comply.

Peace.

No man, critique away, but, realize that when something isn't your thing that you might be missing important aspects of why it's done the way it is. I think that is the case here and with the other track. You have to be honest, you aren't a consumer of "DJ music", sorry, you aren't, I know it just by reading your comments on these tracks.

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ghettosynth wrote:
wagtunes wrote:I do want to say just one thing and then I'm on the next train to old man's town.

If we limit the critiques and responses to only people who understand the genre being presented, there's going to be a lot of silence on this forum. As it is, I hardly get any response to anything I post. So I try to contribute to each thread of music because I know what it's like to be ignored.

So if nothing else, I hope my willingness to listen to other's music is, if nothing else, appreciated. Otherwise, there's really no point in my being here.

Finally, if people here would prefer that I stay out of their threads when they post something because they feel I don't understand their music, just let me know and I will be more than happy to comply.

Peace.

No man, critique away, but, realize that when something isn't your thing that you might be missing important aspects of why it's done the way it is. I think that is the case here and with the other track. You have to be honest, you aren't a consumer of "DJ music", sorry, you aren't, I know it just by reading your comments on these tracks.
Of course I'm not. Hell, the only time I ever even was exposed to DJ stuff was when I went to a nieces wedding.

However, in doing so, I got to see a lot of things that he did live because I am interested in these things in general and it was very cool the way he would bring things in with his mixer and take other things out and keep everything flowing from track to track. I was very impressed. And I didn't need to understand the music to be impressed by the skill it took to do this. And he may have very well not even been that good at this for all I know. But I enjoyed the experience. It's not something I could do or, for that matter, ever want to do. But I could still appreciate it on my own novice level for what it was.

I mean after all, sound is still sound. We aren't born with a feel for any kind of music at all. We choose to listen to something and adapt to it over time. The more we listen to it, the more we understand it. That's all it really is.

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I appreciate feedback from everybody, wagtunes. Your comments helped me to improve the track I knew needed it but was just to lazy and impatient the other day, so thanks.
"The Law speaks too softly to be heard amid the din of arms." -- Gaius Marius {Roman consul,soldier}

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wagtunes wrote: Of course I'm not. Hell, the only time I ever even was exposed to DJ stuff was when I went to a nieces wedding.
Yeah, and just so you know, that's not even what I'm talking about. Pretty much anyone can be a wedding DJ. As Henry Rollins said, that's being a record player player.

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the opening got me hooked and i stuck around for both versions ...
absolutely love the opening ...
ghettosynth wrote: ... This is dark and tracky, I like it. Don't overdo the breakdowns, my sense at about 3:16 (in the first version) is that the percussive solos are a bit forced, work on subtlety there ...
i had to consult the urban dictionary to decipher what was meant by tracky ...
that alone probably tags me ...
i agree that 3.16 comes off as forced , and subtlety would work wonders here ... a more sparse fill section would help reprise the opening ...
ghettosynth wrote: ... Definitely better at about 4:30 or so but drags on too long. You need more in the final stretch of the track ...
i loved the transition at 4.30 ; more in the first version than the second ...
ghettosynth wrote: ... Keep in mind with tracky stuff that you need variation in other ways. You need new elements that support while maintaining the tracky feel. From my point of view, the second mix does not achieve that. If this were my track I'd be thinking acoustic hi-hats/ride cymbals at some point ...
this ...
the 3.16 breakdown would be a good place ...
a few subtle riffs there would work well , imo , and could be brought back later ...
recursive one wrote: I think any kind of comments (except for deliberately offensive) should be appreciated. Even if it's not "your" genre, you can give some fresh perspective. However you should also be aware that your own background as a producer and a listener may stand on your way when you are trying to understand a genre outside of your comfort zone ...
i've certainly been guilty of that ...
recursive one wrote:... if you really want to understand what it's all about, try listening to it more closely, follow all the subtle changes happening along the way, try focusing on the atmosphere.
i love the atmosphere of this track ...
positing i'm not well versed in this genre , my opinion is that there lies quite a good track
somewhere in between the two posted versions ...
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Wow this is more feedback than I've gotten on this forum for one of my tracks. Very gratified that this tune holds peoples' interest. Will take another look at the track in light of the comments.
"The Law speaks too softly to be heard amid the din of arms." -- Gaius Marius {Roman consul,soldier}

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Here's one more revision. I think this may be The One:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXRkifD ... e=youtu.be
"The Law speaks too softly to be heard amid the din of arms." -- Gaius Marius {Roman consul,soldier}

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