Saratoga, CA - April 1, 2010 The Sound Guy, Inc. has announced the release of their long-awaited song rewriting and finalizing program, Turd Polisher Pro™.

Turd Polisher Pro was designed to improve every aspect of a song, from the writing to the recording. Using an advanced neural network trained on a database of over 10,000 songs, it analyzes the lyrics, melody, arrangement and performances to determine their artistic integrity and commercial potential.

If necessary, Turd Polisher Pro will help rewrite the song line-by-line, using the integrated Lyric Polisher, thesaurus and rhyming dictionary to propose vivid and poetic ways of expressing the writer's ideas. Then the Tune Polisher generates millions of melodic variations and sorts them according to how well they fit the lyrics, convey the right feeling, and satisfy the algorithmic profile of a great melody. At each step, the songwriter makes the final decision.

Arrangements and harmonies are progressively refined to ensure that they serve the song. Next, vocal and instrumental performances are analyzed note-by-note. Pitch and timing errors are corrected, and new performances can be generated automatically if desired. Finally, mastering and effects are applied to give the recording a "radio-ready," glossy commercial shine.

"They said it couldn't be done," recalled developer Earl Vickers. "But we proved that you could start with a drunken voicemail message, feed it into Turd Polisher Pro, and squeeze out the number two hit song in the country! Now you can literally 'phone it in.' No one will know you sang your hit songs in the shower or while sitting on the toilet."

Three of the current top ten songs were produced using a beta version of Turd Polisher Pro.

Turd Polisher Pro works with Macintosh OS X, Windows XP and Vista. More information, including "before" and "after" audio samples, can be found at http://sfxmachine.com/tppro/index.html .
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Earl Vickers
The Sound Guy, Inc.
sfx@sfxmachine.com
http://www.sfxmachine.com/ttpro/
Last edited by sfxmachine on Sat Jul 10, 2010 5:52 am; edited 3 times in total

FTFY

http://www.sfxmachine.com/tppro/index.html

link's broken

c'mon guys , sort it out...got some real pieces of shit on my harddrive, need polishing

I'm in!

Fixed now, thanks!

How much is the Turd Polisher Pro?

I'll bet it costs quite a nugget.

man, you really did fix it.....

absolutely brilliant...lmao

FROFL

This will revolutionize the entire entertainment industry. This is the first product in years, that I can honestly say, I really need.

Me too!

Will Turd Polisher Pro eliminate whiny bitchy customers from my life? Will it remove totalitarian corporate schemes and intrusive government agencies so I can get on with the good fun of making noise?

I don't care if it makes my mixes and arrangements sound better. I just want the other stuff.

Sorry, you would need to upgrade to Totalitarianism Polisher Pro.
_________________
Earl Vickers
The Sound Guy, Inc.
sfx@sfxmachine.com
http://www.sfxmachine.com/tppro