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About Alzheimer

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Moderators: Scoops, Moderators (Main)

Daniel Pompougnac
KVRian
 
1339 posts since 15 Dec, 2004, from In a forest , France

Postby Daniel Pompougnac; Fri Dec 14, 2012 9:11 am About Alzheimer

Hello,
New piece.
Song in french langage.
About Alzheimer's disease.

Click here >
Viens, le train

Image
New CD

------------------------------------------

Lyrics

La nuit tombée, je n'ai pas les rêves qu'il faut,
La nuit tombée, je n'ai pas le calme que j'attends,
Je pars tout seul, sur la route, lune froide, je vois la gare.
Je m'assois sur un banc, je n'ai pas les rêves qu'il faut, qu'il faut...


Viens, le train,
Viens, le train !


La nuit tombée, moi je vois mes fils enfants, courir
Ils me sourient, me sourient, enfin, je crois...
Je prends leur main, et l'on marche vers les rails,
Voir les trains qui arrivent.


La nuit tombée, je n'ai pas le calme que j'attends.
Où sont mes gosses ?
Il est l'heure de goûter, je crois,
J'entends ma mère qui m'appelle, là-bas...
Last edited by Daniel Pompougnac on Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:16 am, edited 6 times in total.
mrblitz
KVRAF
 
2620 posts since 21 Jul, 2009

Postby mrblitz; Fri Dec 14, 2012 4:59 pm

babelfish version:

The fallen night, I did not dream that it is necessary,
The fallen night, I do not have the calm until I wait,
I'm all alone leave, on the road, the cold moon, I see the station.
I sit on a bench, I did not dream that it is necessary, that it is necessary…

Come, the train, Come, the train!

The fallen night, me I see my sons children, to run
They smile me, smile me, finally, I believe…

I take their hand, and one walks towards the rails, See the trains which arrive.

--------------

great piece. maybe during the drum part, the vocals could have a low shelf?
User avatar
Frantz
KVRAF
 
2669 posts since 18 Jul, 2008, from New York

Postby Frantz; Fri Dec 14, 2012 7:27 pm

Beautiful piece about an incredibly difficult subject. I can relate since I recently lost a family member to Alzheimer's.
Fragile Gods: SoundCloud | Facebook
User avatar
robojam
KVRAF
 
20865 posts since 26 Jul, 2005, from Inside Schroedinger's Cat...or am I...

Postby robojam; Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:24 pm

Yes, I like this a lot. My mother has Alzheimers, so I understand this well.

I think the Babelfish translation is a little off, so I tried to translate it a little better (I hope!):


Night fell, I don't have the dreams that I need,
Night fell, I don't have the quiet that I wait for,
I leave all alone on the road, cold moon, I see the station.
I sit on the bench, I don't have the dreams that I need, that I need...

Come train,
Come train!

Night fell, I see my sons, running
They smile at me, smile at me, finally, I believe...
I take their hands, and one of them walks to the rails,
To see the trains arriving.

Night fell, I don't have the quiet that I wait for.
Where are my kids?
It is tea time, I think,
I wait for my mother who calls me, over there...
Daniel Pompougnac
KVRian
 
1339 posts since 15 Dec, 2004, from In a forest , France

Postby Daniel Pompougnac; Sat Dec 15, 2012 3:42 pm

Thank you very much about comments and translations.
It was not easy to create this song.

Yes, Robojam, your translation is very fine :tu:
Have you learned french langage ? Good job.

I've only refined one or two words.

Night fell, I don't have the dreams that I need,
Night fell, I don't have the quiet that I wait for,
I leave alone on the road, cold moon, I see the station.
I sit on a bench, I don't have the dreams that I need, that I need...

Come train,
Come train!

Night fell, I see my sons, running
They smile at me, smile at me, I believe...
I take their hands, and we go to the rails,
To see the trains arriving.

Night fell, I don't have the quiet that I wait for.
Where are my kids?
It's the snack time, I think,
I hear my mother who calls me, over there...
User avatar
robojam
KVRAF
 
20865 posts since 26 Jul, 2005, from Inside Schroedinger's Cat...or am I...

Postby robojam; Sat Dec 15, 2012 5:23 pm

I learned French at school and when we lived near to the Canadian border I'd speak it occasionally when we traveled to the cities in Quebec.

It's more that I could see mistakes in the translation, but there are probably a few things I don't understand well.

"et l'on marche vers les rails" - if it is "and we go to the rails", I would have thought to see it as "et nous allons aux rails" - I wasn't quite sure about the change from the first half of that sentence. Should it have been "mains" instead of "main"?

And I translated "goûter" as "tea time" as that's what I had it translated to in England where I grew up.
Daniel Pompougnac
KVRian
 
1339 posts since 15 Dec, 2004, from In a forest , France

Postby Daniel Pompougnac; Sun Dec 16, 2012 11:26 am

First of able, it's important to say that your french langae is better than my english langage.

et l'on marche vers les rails

It's the "one of them" I've changed by "we". Because your "walk" is really OK, and I don't remenber why I've written "go" :?: :shrug:

And I translated "goûter" as "tea time" as that's what I had it translated to in England where I grew up.

Oh. Yes. But there's no tea time in France. At four (or five) o'clock, kids eat cake, chocolate or other food.

Should it have been "mains" instead of "main"

OK, not easy :)
I take the hand of a kid at my left side, and I take the hand of the other kid at the right side. So, I take two hands.
But. There's a "but".
This rule in french langage isn't easy. I take ONE hand of every kid.
I think that "main" is ok, and "mains" is ok.
Must I consider my person (I take two hands) or every kid ? I don't remenber, sorry. I'll look for.
User avatar
robojam
KVRAF
 
20865 posts since 26 Jul, 2005, from Inside Schroedinger's Cat...or am I...

Postby robojam; Sun Dec 16, 2012 7:00 pm

OK, makes sense. I know that I make mistakes in French because the English is so different and I often get the word order wrong.

Thanks for the French lesson! :)
D.H. Miltz
D.H. MOD
 
8371 posts since 20 Jun, 2008

Postby D.H. Miltz; Tue Dec 18, 2012 4:59 pm

Very good work. Thanks for this.
Daniel Pompougnac
KVRian
 
1339 posts since 15 Dec, 2004, from In a forest , France

Postby Daniel Pompougnac; Wed Dec 19, 2012 2:41 pm

Very good work. Thanks for this.

Merci beaucoup :)
Jesse Gorter
KVRist
 
441 posts since 30 Nov, 2004

Postby Jesse Gorter; Thu Dec 20, 2012 9:38 am

Very very good! Great piano too!
Harry_HH
KVRian
 
882 posts since 4 Aug, 2006, from Helsinki

Postby Harry_HH; Thu Dec 20, 2012 10:02 am

Beautiful piece - and a French lesson as a bonus! We should have more these kind of educating trans-cultural pique-niques. H.
Daniel Pompougnac
KVRian
 
1339 posts since 15 Dec, 2004, from In a forest , France

Postby Daniel Pompougnac; Fri Dec 21, 2012 4:41 pm

Thank's for kind comments. :)

I want add something more. It's very important for me to obtain positive comments about a french song. Because it's not easy submit a french song in a english langage forum.
There's no problem with an instrumental piece, but with a song, it's a little different.
Not easy. Yes. :shrug:
TrekStar
KVRian
 
679 posts since 5 Jun, 2002, from Southern Germany

Postby TrekStar; Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:10 am

hi daniel!

I like your song very much: it's a good composition, well arranged and you have artfully expressed feelings about a serious theme without becoming cheesy. excellent!
and it's nice to hear here another genre. kvr is really a place for diversity.


cheers to france


wolf
Daniel Pompougnac
KVRian
 
1339 posts since 15 Dec, 2004, from In a forest , France

Postby Daniel Pompougnac; Sun Dec 23, 2012 11:36 am

I like your song very much: it's a good composition, well arranged and you have artfully expressed feelings about a serious theme without becoming cheesy. excellent!
and it's nice to hear here another genre. kvr is really a place for diversity.
cheers to france



Your comments are honey. :)
Merci beaucoup pour ça.
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