my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Classic threads from OT live on here...
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Hink
Rad Grandad
31132 posts since 6 Sep, 2003 from Downeast Maine

Post Tue Oct 02, 2018 7:19 am

though I actually made a very long post on FB Sunday about it because two years ago Oct 2nd was a Sunday night it was two years ago Denise had her heart attack and she was in a coma (brain dead) until the 5th. I was going between just linking to my FB post or quoting it so I decided to do both. If no one reads it or responds that's fine, I just feel the need to honor the person who changed my life and brought me so much joy.
two years ago this Sunday would be the last time I or anyone else would speak to Denise. I wasn't able to talk about it last year but I am this year. It was actually October 2nd but Im going by the days of the week and two years ago today was October 2nd. I have a few new friends on FB since that horrible day, mostly from high school at Shawsheen tech so a quick rehash.

Monday October 3rd 2016 was suppose to be the happiest day of our 20 years together, we were going to close on our house in here in Maine (yes the one I am living in) and we were excited knowing that by the end of the month we would be here. We had our typical weekend and Sunday evening around 10pm we were getting ready to watch some tv before bed Denise fainted and I never spoke to her again. Paramedics arrived, EMTs, fire dept and cops and she was in a coma until she passed on the 5th. Denise was younger than me by 12 1/2 years, she was only 44, never did drugs and this still makes no sense.

My lawyers and realtor did close on the house, my poor realtor called me so excited and boy did she get a shock. 2016 had been one hell of a year. I had to move my mom out of her condo into a nursing home, we had been on a major roller coaster all year and finally...finally I had myself believing this was real and the other shoe wasn't going to drop. In fact in a group at the VA I had said speaking of other delays that maybe the other shoe this time was just a slipper...boy was I wrong. We had the funeral on the 12th of October the day after Asher R. Hinckley turned 21 (something he didn't get to celebrate with his mother) and then on the 20th we moved. I worked my ass off to make that happen.

So here I am two years later and to be honest the first thing that comes to mind is "careful what you wish for" (but that's just the first it gets better). So many of my friends know how long this dream has been with me, since my earliest memories and friends know that any second I could spend at our camp in Maine I was gone. Some day I would live here and now I do.

Sometimes it's like a prison of my own making but the truth is it's the best thing for me. I haven't actually made any friends here per se', I dont have a bud to hang out with. I do have Holly who is a widow and she has so good for me and I am so thankful for her, her wisdom, her caring and understanding but I dont have a guy friend just to hang with and I stick much to myself. I haven't been over to see Marie B. Macy and Jack and I feel terrible about that.

As people know I love my house but I haven't really enjoyed Maine as I should, I haven't been out on Toddy Pond (where our camp was and my favorite place on earth), I haven't been up Blue Hill Mountain and really I only leave when I have to (mostly to drive Ash to work). I do realize that as brutal as it was the timing gave me a chance to turn a new page but it's just so unfair. When I post the pictures I do it's me embracing the good things I can find, I expected to share these things with Denise.

I have endured a lot in life, we all have. There are a ton of people who seem to judge others on their youth, I'm not the person I was when I left Bedford in my 20's but there are those who listen to certain others and have no clue about who I am. I am Kenneth Merrill Hinckley's son and it shows every single day (especially in my relationship with Ash), those who knew my dad knows how he was and might not believe that...spend a couple days with me and you will see too.

One of the things from this is I learned who really ere genuine people and who were not. People who should have at least reached out to say they were sorry couldn't be bothered, some who have abandoned me since because I guess I'm bad for not being perfect since, I dunno. All I can say is this really does bring out "dont judge people until you've walked a mile in their shoes". To be honest I am deeply hurt by a few, at least one of my very close childhood friends who could have at least said something and a couple others actually closer at one time have all shown their true colors to me. (please be aware if any of these people read this, bygones, no hard feelings on my end, life is too short)

I have never said this to another soul ever, but I will now. When all this happened in 2016 before we lost Denise (and it was crazy) I was very concerned that with Denise not driving and Ash not driving that I was being selfish doing this and what if we got here and something happened to me? Then what? They would be trapped and it was logical because I was older, and yet look what happened.

Ash is doing amazing, his job is fantastic and he is doing a great job. taking care of children with Autism which is tough. He refuses to miss work, he's good at it and I think he found his place in life, Denise would be very proud and of course I am beyond proud. So no, this was not a mistake, I was not being selfish but I had no way of seeing the truck that blindsided me.

All in all I'm doing pretty good, I know how strong I am now emotionally. I want this to end in a positive way, yes there have been some shitty people during this time but the truth is here on FB, in a music community in which I am quite active online and in real life I have seen what real friendship is and I thank everyone. I know that moving my mom out of her condo by myself, packing up my life with Denise and moving here by myself (both move I did use movers for the atual move) in one year is brutal. In fact two moves and the loss of a spouse in one year is brutal stress on anyone, I survived, I am strong.

I dont have to say this but I will, I miss Denise so much, below is a picture Ash took of us when we came up Aug 21 2016 to see houses (this one too) and her eyes haunt me, but I love it (also a pic I took in the motel room, the very last pic ever taken of Denise). She love NCIS and Abby, she looks like her, when I saw the previews of Abby in a coma last season I had to delete it from my record list. I think of her all the time, I cry for her, I laugh for her, I talk to her, I thank her...she loved Ozzy and he said in a song "Death is so final for only the living"...aint it the truth.

Now I will begin another year with optimism and hope, I have so many good friends going back to before we could read or write. I am blessed but will always be heartbroken. Please my friends, tell those around you how much they mean to you while you can, many of you are my age and this is bound to happen to all of us. If you are angry with someone work it out, let it go because one day you wont be able to.

When Denise died so many of you were there for me, I have not mentioned names because I am afraid I would leave someone out, thank you all so much, you helped me survive and you have no idea how grateful I am. Love to all

ImageImage

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid ... =3&theater
Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.

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BertKoor
KVRAF
11606 posts since 8 Mar, 2005 from Utrecht, Holland

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Oct 02, 2018 7:37 am

:hug:
We are the KVR collective. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Image
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BERFAB
KVRAF
6238 posts since 25 Mar, 2004

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Oct 02, 2018 7:47 am

The human condition is, by turns, both fragile and resilient. Good to see you finding your path while celebrating her spirit.
Best to you and yours always, Hink.

-B
Berfab
So many plugins, so little time...

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fmr
KVRAF
9311 posts since 16 Mar, 2003 from Porto - Portugal

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:07 am

My sympathy to your sorrow and memory, and I hope she rests in peace wherever she is (I'm a believer).
Fernando (FMR)

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vurt
addled muppet weed
61826 posts since 26 Jan, 2003 from through the looking glass

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Oct 02, 2018 4:33 pm

:hug:

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Bombadil
KVRAF
5556 posts since 31 Aug, 2013 from Far From the Twisted Reach of Crazy Sorrow

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Thu Oct 04, 2018 5:39 am

One of the things that stuck with me when my mom died 30 years ago, was how I was abandoned by people whom I thought, and who had said, would be there for me when the time came. They weren't, and it was deliberate in a couple of cases.
Then there was my family.

It all left me scarred and I lost a lot of confidence in myself and others. 95% of the time I am on my own, I'm happy to be so.

Anyway, this isn't about me. I do think of your loss even when I'm not hanging at KVR, and I marvel that you can go on. If I was in your neck of the planet, I'd be happy to hang out with you. :hug:
“And in the End, the Love you take, is equal to the Love...you make”
The Beatles

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hivkorn
KVRAF
3317 posts since 6 Sep, 2007 from France

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Feb 25, 2020 11:39 am

Every times i see your thread i feel selfish and so sorry to be the one i am.

benjamind
KVRian
1160 posts since 4 Aug, 2004 from Ain't tellin' ya...

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Mar 31, 2020 1:46 am

hivkorn, the same here. I always know there are people out there hurting far more than what I am, right this moment. So I often read through threads such as this one to humble myself and get my head out of the clouds.

From what I understand, someone was taken away far too soon. So heartbreaking.
Little Black Dog - 2008-Present

kelvyn
KVRian
1108 posts since 9 Mar, 2008 from netherlands

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:07 am

There are no words to take away the emptiness and heartache just the small consolation that there is a community that feels with you. Wishing you love and continued strength. :hug:

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telecode
KVRAF
1593 posts since 24 Mar, 2015 from Toronto, Canada

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Mar 31, 2020 5:13 am

I just first noticed this thread. I am sorry for your loss Hink. You are a brave man and have been through a lot. Much more than many of us have so far and you have somehow made it through and persevered. You are a brave man. Take care.

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Hink
Rad Grandad
31132 posts since 6 Sep, 2003 from Downeast Maine

Re: my wife had a massive heart attack Sunday night...RIP Denise

Post Tue Mar 31, 2020 3:43 pm

hivkorn, I apologize for not seeing this earlier...I saw it this morning. First let me say thanks to all three of you, it's been a very long ride, trust me I now truly understand how things are never as we imagine. I was so looking forward to showing Denise Maine, and tbh how I imagined myself living in Maine over 50 years of waiting never looked like this. I had relatives here all over the place but not anymore, they have all passed on or moved, it's just me and Ash (plus two kitties and even that was not likely because Denise was so allergic). When we knew we were moving and it was real this time (aug 2016 when we made the offer on this house) I never thought I would be working here, I knew I would be driving Ash and Denise to work (Denise and Ash had both transferred their jobs from Mass) and never would I guess I would be doing what I am or doing it with Ash...you just never know what is around the next corner.

Brave? I dont know about that, more like terrified...without a doubt learning how to live without Denise is my biggest challenge yet and I'm still working on it...but I'm not without a lot of reasons to be happy. For instance as kelvyn says, this community here at KvR was huge in helping me get through and I will always be grateful...those first weeks here were pretty scary and we knew no one here...this place and a handful of friends on fb kept me going often. I am lucky to be here and not stuck in the hell hole I lived in, much better place to heal.
Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.

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