Take Me On Up (my friend) -- feedback welcome [retro EDM]
- KVRAF
- Topic Starter
- 1985 posts since 19 Aug, 2008
Showing off my brand new toy, Orangetree Infinity guitar (at the end).
I know the first verse could be a few bars longer like the second. Just got lazy.
Hope you enjoy it.
Feedback welcome as always...
https://soundcloud.com/bansaw-843690132/take-me-on-up
I know the first verse could be a few bars longer like the second. Just got lazy.
Hope you enjoy it.
Feedback welcome as always...
https://soundcloud.com/bansaw-843690132/take-me-on-up
- KVRAF
- 3390 posts since 5 Mar, 2004 from Gold Coast Australia
I put Pacific Deep on pause for this and it is almost a perfect match in that DM/PSB space.
I like the lyric and would like to like the delivery but sadly I hear your fear instead of driving passion. You have confidence every time you sing "resurrection" but not elsewhere. I am thinking that maybe you get that infection from a record you like so get to put yourself in someone else's shoes for that bit but are left feeling shivering & exposed otherwise. Not uncommon. The response will commonly be "we'll I'm not a singer", "or I'm not very good yet", or "I only wanted to hear about the bass synth".
I am directly getting up in your fear zone here I know but if you don't step past that fear and "say screw your fear, this is who I am and we're doing it" you'll stay stuck there. There is a workable tone in your voice and you can get there.
I like the lyric and would like to like the delivery but sadly I hear your fear instead of driving passion. You have confidence every time you sing "resurrection" but not elsewhere. I am thinking that maybe you get that infection from a record you like so get to put yourself in someone else's shoes for that bit but are left feeling shivering & exposed otherwise. Not uncommon. The response will commonly be "we'll I'm not a singer", "or I'm not very good yet", or "I only wanted to hear about the bass synth".
I am directly getting up in your fear zone here I know but if you don't step past that fear and "say screw your fear, this is who I am and we're doing it" you'll stay stuck there. There is a workable tone in your voice and you can get there.
Benedict Roff-Marsh
http://www.benedictroffmarsh.com
http://www.benedictroffmarsh.com
- KVRAF
- 21195 posts since 8 Oct, 2014
My Feedback
Music - 9
Instruments - 9.5
Performance - 9.5
Mix - 10
Overall - 9.5
Comments: This is SOOOOOO 80s. Love it! Reminds me of somebody but I can't place it right now. Eventually, it'll come to me. I mean it is SOOOO obvious but age is getting the better of me and stuff I used to be able to identify in 5 seconds now takes me forever. Anyway, great job!
Music - 9
Instruments - 9.5
Performance - 9.5
Mix - 10
Overall - 9.5
Comments: This is SOOOOOO 80s. Love it! Reminds me of somebody but I can't place it right now. Eventually, it'll come to me. I mean it is SOOOO obvious but age is getting the better of me and stuff I used to be able to identify in 5 seconds now takes me forever. Anyway, great job!
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an-electric-heart an-electric-heart https://www.kvraudio.com/forum/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=182734
- KVRAF
- 2505 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand
Cool.
Sounds quite British, makes me think of New Order.
I read Benedict's review before I actually listened, and yes I can see what he means, but I just hear a little "trying not to annoy/anger the neighbours" in your voice , I don't know if that is the case, but that is another thing us home studio guys need to contend with.
The only other thing I'll mention is the snare. Firstly; What you've done is fine. I'm hearing a low/flat snare that blends with the kick, and that's fine, it's done a lot in various types of dance music. But, I'd go with something with a bit of crack in the top, like a Linn snare (not to be too specific) or even layer an acoustic snare that has some energy at the top end... but again, I can't stress enough, there are many "right ways", it mostly just comes down to one's taste.
Oh, and I'll just add; You have concerns about the length of the first verse, but structure-wise, it feels and flows fine, that's just one of those things that no one would ever even think of if you didn't mention it yourself.
Sounds quite British, makes me think of New Order.
I read Benedict's review before I actually listened, and yes I can see what he means, but I just hear a little "trying not to annoy/anger the neighbours" in your voice , I don't know if that is the case, but that is another thing us home studio guys need to contend with.
The only other thing I'll mention is the snare. Firstly; What you've done is fine. I'm hearing a low/flat snare that blends with the kick, and that's fine, it's done a lot in various types of dance music. But, I'd go with something with a bit of crack in the top, like a Linn snare (not to be too specific) or even layer an acoustic snare that has some energy at the top end... but again, I can't stress enough, there are many "right ways", it mostly just comes down to one's taste.
Oh, and I'll just add; You have concerns about the length of the first verse, but structure-wise, it feels and flows fine, that's just one of those things that no one would ever even think of if you didn't mention it yourself.
- KVRAF
- 6322 posts since 18 Jul, 2008 from New York
It has a nice warm retro sound. I like the bass and drums.
I'm not crazy about the lead synth which is too early Vince Clarke for my tastes.
I think the vocals don't always mesh well with the backing track especially during the chorus. You could consider modifying the chord progression to better support the melody.
I'm not crazy about the lead synth which is too early Vince Clarke for my tastes.
I think the vocals don't always mesh well with the backing track especially during the chorus. You could consider modifying the chord progression to better support the melody.
- KVRian
- 1268 posts since 12 Aug, 2004
Wonderful....enjoyable start to finish! I don't like to play the "reminds me of" game...but if I did I would say Human League...and I love Human League.Bansaw wrote: ↑Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:13 pm Showing off my brand new toy, Orangetree Infinity guitar (at the end).
I know the first verse could be a few bars longer like the second. Just got lazy.
Hope you enjoy it.
Feedback welcome as always...
https://soundcloud.com/bansaw-843690132/take-me-on-up
- KVRist
- 477 posts since 30 May, 2018
Good, enjoyed...
Reaper (win), i7-7700k, 16GB
- KVRAF
- Topic Starter
- 1985 posts since 19 Aug, 2008
@Benedict, There is an element of truth in what you're saying. I do lack some confidence in my singing voice, but I think I can improve it if I invest time in developing technique etc.
Thanks for ending on an encouraging note.
@wagtunes, thanks, appreciate the feedback.
@electric, this is the good thing about feedback, I never would have thought of addressing a snare. Thats why we sometimes need an extra pair of ears. I might open up the project and play around with some other snare sounds.
@Frantz, thanks. I love some of Vince Clarke's stuff he did with Yazoo etc. With the chords in the chorus, I might look at that. I am conscious when making a song in major, I am thinking, "how do I not let this become cheesy" and I add a bit of complexity to my maj chords. Maybe sometimes that works, and other time not?
@Karma, thanks , pleased you enjoyed it : )
Thanks for ending on an encouraging note.
@wagtunes, thanks, appreciate the feedback.
@electric, this is the good thing about feedback, I never would have thought of addressing a snare. Thats why we sometimes need an extra pair of ears. I might open up the project and play around with some other snare sounds.
@Frantz, thanks. I love some of Vince Clarke's stuff he did with Yazoo etc. With the chords in the chorus, I might look at that. I am conscious when making a song in major, I am thinking, "how do I not let this become cheesy" and I add a bit of complexity to my maj chords. Maybe sometimes that works, and other time not?
@Karma, thanks , pleased you enjoyed it : )