She Said, I Said... << - pop - >> (with lyrics) ... feedback welcome

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Bansaw
KVRian
1199 posts since 19 Aug, 2008

Post Mon Jul 13, 2020 11:56 am

I had a go at a different genre. I generally do synthpop, but this is pop.
Feedback welcome on mixing, arrangement, lyrics, anything really...
https://soundcloud.com/bansaw-843690132/shesaidisaid

Lyrics:
She said,
She's leaving me behind
I said,
I want you by my side

I tried to bring her back
I tried to change her mind
But she let me down again (x 2)

Ooooh, Oooh.....
She packed her case last night
Ooooh, Oooh.....
She left before daylight
She's coming back someday

She said,
It can never be the same
I said,
Do you want to try again?
Last edited by Bansaw on Wed Jul 15, 2020 9:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
wagtunes
KVRAF
19706 posts since 8 Oct, 2014

Post Mon Jul 13, 2020 12:05 pm

Okay, something different.

The ending sounded like a 45 edit from a longer album version. Honestly, kind of a let down because I was expecting something big here. However, love the song so much that I'm tempted to do my own cover of it. Maybe down the road someday.

Everything else was great. Way too short. could have easily listened to another minute to minute and a half of this, preferably the outro.

Anyway, this was nice for a change. 9 out of 10 stars.

:tu:

User avatar
Bansaw
KVRian
1199 posts since 19 Aug, 2008

Post Wed Jul 15, 2020 9:12 am

wagtunes wrote:
Mon Jul 13, 2020 12:05 pm
Okay, something different.

The ending sounded like a 45 edit from a longer album version. Honestly, kind of a let down because I was expecting something big here. However, love the song so much that I'm tempted to do my own cover of it. Maybe down the road someday.
:tu:
thanks @Wags. This is a departure from my regular synthpop genre, and more towards your style actually. I felt there was more to this 'story' but put it down to laziness that I didn't expand it. There comes a time where I get tired of a song and want to move onto something fresh and new. In an ideal world I'd spend the time I need to get it to a higher level.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback and positivity.

User avatar
wagtunes
KVRAF
19706 posts since 8 Oct, 2014

Post Wed Jul 15, 2020 9:41 am

Bansaw wrote:
Wed Jul 15, 2020 9:12 am
wagtunes wrote:
Mon Jul 13, 2020 12:05 pm
Okay, something different.

The ending sounded like a 45 edit from a longer album version. Honestly, kind of a let down because I was expecting something big here. However, love the song so much that I'm tempted to do my own cover of it. Maybe down the road someday.
:tu:
thanks @Wags. This is a departure from my regular synthpop genre, and more towards your style actually. I felt there was more to this 'story' but put it down to laziness that I didn't expand it. There comes a time where I get tired of a song and want to move onto something fresh and new. In an ideal world I'd spend the time I need to get it to a higher level.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback and positivity.
See, I had a feeling that you cut this one short. I knew it. It just didn't sound "finished." It's the OCD arranger in me.

That cover may just come some day.

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Bansaw
KVRian
1199 posts since 19 Aug, 2008

Post Wed Jul 15, 2020 1:25 pm

wagtunes wrote:
Wed Jul 15, 2020 9:41 am
See, I had a feeling that you cut this one short. I knew it. It just didn't sound "finished." It's the OCD arranger in me.
Its coming up with lyrics thats the bottleneck for me, and a unique theme thats not over-general. Chord progressions, arrangement, production; all relatively easy for me, but lyrics and vocal melodies are harder.
I'd like my songs to be a 3-minute story that mean something. I've been reading some fictional short stories (Guy De Maupassant, Anton Chekov), and just got a poetry book yesterday from a poet I've admired for a long time called Steve Turner. Hopefully these things will inspire me.

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Frantz
KVRAF
5399 posts since 18 Jul, 2008 from New York

Post Wed Jul 15, 2020 6:40 pm

Cool song! I agree with Wags, it seems like you faded it prematurely. It could be expanded on.

The mix seems heavy in the mid-bass range.

Spring Goose
KVRian
977 posts since 31 Jan, 2020

Post Thu Jul 16, 2020 2:16 am

Bansaw wrote:
Mon Jul 13, 2020 11:56 am

Feedback welcome on mixing, arrangement, lyrics, anything really...
I'm just saying whatever comes to mind. It's ok but unlike Electronic and New Order it isn't quite catchy/hooky enough. The vocal sounds separate than the rest of the song, could you fix it with a bit of "glue" compressor? Aside from She's Leaving Home, the other thing that comes to mind is Pulp. Now i love Pulp, so i think this is no bad thing. I wouldn't be upset if i had heard this on the radio but i wouldn't rush out to buy it.

Now i said i love Pulp but actually i have only listened to the earlier Pulp. I haven't listened beyond Different Class.

When i think of "pop" i wouldn't think of this. This sounds like "indie/pop" to me. I'm aware of indie songs being in the top 40 since many years ago. Sorry if you think i'm being pedantic, i'm just saying what comes to mind.

User avatar
Bansaw
KVRian
1199 posts since 19 Aug, 2008

Post Fri Jul 17, 2020 4:49 am

@Frantz, thanks, always appreciate your comments and feedback. I'll have a listen to the bass. My speakers are in a different position since we just moved house. I did some mixing in my headphones too.
@Spring Goose - Pulp are cool; one of the more interesting bands of the 80s. They are more Britpop, although some would describe them as Indie also. My song is somewhat retro. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. :tu:

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donkey tugger
Boss Lovin' DR
7115 posts since 15 Mar, 2002 from the grimness of yorkshire

Post Fri Jul 17, 2020 5:09 am

Liked it, reminded me more of Lloyd Cole than Pulp (which is fine as I like both..) Have to agree with the others though that it was just getting into interesting middle eight bit...then it faded out! :o

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Bansaw
KVRian
1199 posts since 19 Aug, 2008

Post Sat Jul 18, 2020 5:04 am

@dt thanks for the comment and listen. Yeah, I ran out of lyrics, could have gone on and completed the story I guess. Just wanted to move onto my next idea tbh.

aaron aardvark
KVRAF
1810 posts since 22 Jan, 2011 from near Los Angeles

Post Sat Jul 18, 2020 5:48 pm

Bansaw,
Thank you for the reviews! Now your song: nice audio quality all around! All of the vocals sound very nice, male (I watch your pitch like a hawk because I want to see you reach the next level so to speak, and you did well!) and female. Instrumentally, everything sounds very good! I like all of the melodies. I have only one minor gripe: the song ending could have been more dramatic. Otherwise it all sounds very good! :)

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layzer
KVRAF
6905 posts since 11 Jun, 2006

Post Sun Jul 19, 2020 8:37 am

i liked this very much, it had a very "the church - remote luxury" album sound to it.
the church being a favorite 80's pop band of mine.
HW SYNTHS [KORG T2EX - AKAI AX80 - YAMAHA SY77 - ENSONIQ VFX]
HW MODULES [OBi M1000 - ROLAND MKS-50 - ROLAND JV880 - KURZ 1000PX]
SW [CHARLATAN - OBXD - OXE - ELEKTRO - MICROTERA - M1 - SURGE - RMiV]
DAW [ENERGY XT2/1U RACK WINXP / MAUDIO 1010LT PCI]

User avatar
Karma_tba
KVRian
1174 posts since 12 Aug, 2004

Post Mon Jul 20, 2020 6:49 am

Bansaw wrote:
Mon Jul 13, 2020 11:56 am
I had a go at a different genre. I generally do synthpop, but this is pop.
Feedback welcome on mixing, arrangement, lyrics, anything really...
https://soundcloud.com/bansaw-843690132/shesaidisaid

Lyrics:
She said,
She's leaving me behind
I said,
I want you by my side

I tried to bring her back
I tried to change her mind
But she let me down again (x 2)

Ooooh, Oooh.....
She packed her case last night
Ooooh, Oooh.....
She left before daylight
She's coming back someday

She said,
It can never be the same
I said,
Do you want to try again?
A nice tune that gives the feeling of being a chronical of a true story. Being that I'm not in any position to critique technical skill, I can only speak to "I like it" or "I don't". So my comment is "I like it"!!!

User avatar
Bansaw
KVRian
1199 posts since 19 Aug, 2008

Post Wed Jul 22, 2020 4:05 am

@aaron - thanks for the feedback too. : ) And for pushing me to reach the next level. I've been thinking about how I do that. I should do some vocal exercises and improve the voice. Its possible. My breathing needs to improve, thats one factor. I sing with a 'head' voice often; which isn't the best technique.
@Layzer - thanks for the comments! I know a lot of bands from the 80s but the Church passed me by. I'll have to have a listen to some of their stuff.
@karmatba - thanks for the 'like'. The story is fiction, but vague enough that it could apply to any true story. The theme of loving a girl who left is a pretty common experience to most people!

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