My Attempt to make a Catchy pop Song!! lemme know what you think

[handoman]

I wrote these two different songs about this girl but and decide to merge them together
https://soundcloud.com/hando-aguilar/on ... ver-wanted

I like the raw heavyness of it it reminds me of rock

[Bansaw]

Some interesting stuff in there.
Improvements could be: intro was too long, it was 36 seconds and could be trimmed down.
From 36 - 1:47 section was too long without any significant change.
Your song is interesting because it seems like it tells a story.
Just needs about 2 minutes of fat trimming off and a better arrangement.