Advanced beginner/intermediate jazz piano arrangement.

[arbogast]

I'm working on arranging Some Other Time (one the great American Songbook standards) for piano, in a jazz ballad style. It's meant for piano hobbyists and students unaccustomed to interpreting chord symbols.
I'm trying to strike a balance between making it sounding good while still being easy to play (without violating the idiom too much).

First half of this video is Musescore 4 playback - sounds bland, second half is a live interpretation, which sounds better overall (do listen to the second half also, please):
Some Other Time

I cant really decide if the emptyness/lack of drive in the sheet, most notably in bars 13 & 17 is a good or bad thing.
1) Musically, it's a bad thing (but It's easy to read).
2) On the other hand, the emptyness might inspire the player to come up with ideas to make her/his own variations. I'm on the fence.

I've tried to remedy the emptyness in this updated sheet: score (pdf), but is that the right thing to do?

What do You think? I'd appreciate feedback.

[FranklyFlawless]

What do You think? I'd appreciate feedback.

Emptiness is needed to give space for expression. If you fill it, then students are more inclined to perform on the rails. If you want to encourage improvisation, I would avoid any form of modifications on the students' behalf to give them that chance during their performances.

[jancivil]

I've tried to remedy the emptyness in this updated sheet: score (pdf), but is that the right thing to do?

What do You think? I'd appreciate feedback.

I think that is enough fullness for the purpose.

[arbogast]

Thank You both! Much appreciated.
I think You're right, FranklyFlawless. This was my initial inclination as well.

[jancivil]

I like what you did, btw.

[arbogast]

Thank You! Much appreciated!