Shine (synth pop music?)

[Kraku]

Here's my latest song which was made in around 18 hours or so.

It's 100% software:
- Logic Pro 9
- Logic's Ultrabeat
- ...and a couple of Logic's own effect plugins (delay + eq, mostly)
- Sylenth1
- Voxengo Elephant
- Glue

Shine

It's a shame I couldn't get the female vocalist to do the vocals for the third part of the song. Then the whole arrangement would have been quite different. Well, the arrangement is still quite rough around the edges, but I'll move on to the next song now.

All feedback - positive and negative - is very welcome.

EDIT:
I forgot that the "shine" male vocals is me. That's not obviously software, even though I ran it through heavy pitch correction

[chicken muffin]

very nice man.

[TankEyes]

hmm, I was expecting vocals for part one and two! Obviously you havn't included them.

Has a nice edgy pop sound to it. Nice mix.
I don't really like the "shh" bits. Is that you saying shine?

Peace.

[Kraku]

Yeah, it's me saying "shine" I tried to get the "shh" part in control but couldn't do it inside my personal deadline for this tune to get finished.

About the planned (but not realized) female vocals:
My idea was to start the song with the same part it starts now, but there wouldn't have been the whistling lead melody. The female vocals would have been speech like. They would have said something along the lines of:

---------

what can I do with all
the obstruction before me

he said,
the way through it... is to shine

but to me it seemed impossible
he turned to me

shine he said
shine

---------

After that last "shine" (which would have been said happily/eagerly, like to a child), the chorus part would have kicked in. After that there would have been the very same part (with the whistling melody) which you can hear at the very beginning of the song.

Those are some of the changes I would have made if I had the vocalist around.

[TankEyes]

Roger that chief.

Well it's got potential... Maybe it'll come back in a new form one day

[cptgone]

fun tune! shiny. the groove has me bobbing, i like the synth, the vocals are nice.

[Aircrash]

its a softer, more delicate depeche.. like it. u are right, it could use a female vocalist, but i like it a lot, nice song, Kraku

[Kraku]

Ah, didn't notice that more comments had arrived Thanks for the nice comments. I'll see if I can make another version of this song some day, maybe with a real band (guitar, etc...)

[tehlord]

I like

solid and punchy and synthy and poppy

The 'ssshh' parts could probably be tamed better with a touch of reverb. Setting the pre-delay to match the tempo of the track could sound pretty nice too.

[daniel_baum]

Very catchy.

Aircrash - it's nothing whatsoever like Depeche Mode, but we won't hold it against him . . .

Great synth sounds work well together. Noce bouncy rhythm.

[wergeld]

I dig this track. The repeated "shine" is actually kinda nice.
Reminds me of And One....a bit.

[wireframe75]

Very good! I don't know if you like Air (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_(band)), but I feel the same musical environment listening to this track.
I'd really like to listen to female vocals... she should be romantic...
I like the minimalism of the track, but what do you think about giving the final mix much more loudness? I'm thinking about just one very interesting timbre... something disturbing, far from all the other sound of your composition.

Thank you for posting,
Ben

[fateamenabletochange]

Cool, does sound poppy, but the beats are up in the mix which changes things for me, beats sound good, rock solid.

yeah, more vocals. Not sure they would have to be 'sung', a David Brynne speaking in tune would fit I think.

[folderol]

Pleasant little thing. Simple but effective. Bobbles along nicely.

I was expecting a second harmonising voice to come in - possibly slightly delayed, but it didn't happen