do you feel the music?

[ugo]

often i feel others music more than i feel my own. thats because when i hear someone else's work, im appreciating and taking in someone else's feelings, then relating (at least somewhat) to myself. its a more distanced experiance.

however, i have the tendency to block or dilute my own feelings. its somthing i developed as a means of copeing with depression during the less comfortable and stable parts of my life. (which makes up most of my past.) as a result...facing, accepting, and expressing my own feelings is not something i know how to do too well, since my aquired instinct is to block or dull the proverbial knife before it has a chance to cut me. its really a means of avoidance.

this is probably the biggest reason why i dont write lyrics or sing anymore and why the music i've been writting for years now has been geared more towards energy and less about feelings. ...and why i feel like im always going in uncreative circles and thus never really creating the art i know i could, and should.

i get the feeling that lyrics and singing would be a particularly important step in moving forward towards creating more emotional music since it would force me to directly express myself in my own words. but of course, im very apprehensive to do so.

hopefully one of these days i'll stop being a chickenshit and actually start singing and writing more emotional music again. there was a time when i actually did do it. since then, the closest i've got have been a few angry tracks and stuff i wrote for soundtracks, but the latter doesnt quite count. even though i had to feel what i was writing, i was doing so to match a scene...not to match myself.

this is an annoying issue and one i would rather get past since i know it would greatly improve my music. (and probably my state of mind.) music is the best thing that ever happened to me and it pisses me off that im often not expressing myself honestly through it.

-ugo

[androidlove]

i hear ya ugo

[danielmm]

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. ~Pablo Picasso

Picasso was a friggen nut job but he has a point here!

dano