Your Favorite Musician Joke ?

[Nightpolymath]

Then be piano.

give it a rest

OK, time for a gin and tonic, I guess.

[She Changed Her Mind]

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?




A drum machine has memory.

[Tricky-Loops]

What's the difference between a blowjob and a gig of a Bavarian brass band?

A: You cannot hear the blowjob 5 miles away!

[She Changed Her Mind]

What's the similarity between a singer and a terrorist?








They both know how to destroy a bridge.

[havran]

That some people think they make music, instead of the other way around.

[She Changed Her Mind]

Do you know what a 'depressor' is?
Some device which turns every chord to an E minor chord.

[el-bo (formerly ebow)]

A man parks his car in a rough part of town with two accordions on the back seat, forgetting to lock the back door.

When he returns, there are three accordions.

[el-bo (formerly ebow)]

Then be piano.

give it a rest

OK, time for a gin and tonic, I guess.

or perhaps a fifth of whiskey would help you get to the root of dis chord

[k-tronix]

I thought for sure this one would have come up already:

How do you get a drummer to stop playing?









Put music in front of him.

[k-tronix]

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead drummer in the road?









There are skid marks just before the skunk.

[dlandis]

How many deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes another 300 to record the event illegally and another 5000 to follow it around until it burns out again.

[dlandis]

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead drummer in the road?









There are skid marks just before the skunk.

I've heard this way (which also works):

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead trombonist in the road?

Two answers:

1) There are skid marks just before the skunk and.... (wait for it)

2) The skunk MAY have been on his way to a gig.

[dlandis]

The least heard sentence in the English language:

"Oh, that's the banjo player's Porsche".

[dlandis]

A man stands in the middle of a football field and drops $100. In one corner there is a Concertmaster, the next corner has a virtuoso Violist, the next a Second Violinist, the last a Bassist. Who gets it?

It's obvious, right? The Second Violinist.

Why?

Because:

1) You can't get a Concertmaster to do anything for only $100.
2) There is no such thing as a "virtuoso Violist", and...
3) The Bassist is still trying to figure out what's going on.

[dlandis]

Chicago is a blues kind of town.

New York is a blues kind of town.

Kansas City is a blues kind of town.

There is, however, no town in the world that has the word "Beach" anywhere in its name that is a blues kind of town.