Self-critical song-Star

[Talvin]

This is a song from June 2004; again everything is done with virtual instruments.
I'd be happy to get some more feedback this time.

Don't like the beginning really. Anyone ideas for that one?

http://audioshots.com/auditorium/viewto ... 52&start=0

[Talvin]

I don't what I'm doing wrong. Why does nobody answer?

[djguido]

well this really isn't my kind of music but I can tell you what I would do different. First of all it doesn't sound anything like New Order. I like the production on it....it sounds good. I don't think your a singer. But maybe thats why somebody said it sounded like New Order. He isn't the best singer either.
The beginning needs some kind of sour note to make it less softsounding and a little more mean sounding.
The whole song sounded to 80's cheese rock to me. But thats just my opinion....what the hell do I know.

[Talvin]

Well, of course it's not New Order.It probably sounds a bit 80ish because I grew up there:-).You're the first one who says I'm not a singer...obviously I'm not, but I try. Same goes for songwriting and producing. This is why I want some tips...

You're right about the beginning. I should probably leave out the piano intro and start with some guitars right away.

[Manc Chris]

Whoever said it sounds like New Order, has never listened to New Order. Totally lazy bracketing.No connection at all.

Decent tune, good dynamics, nice production. My gripe - poor lyric.

English obviously isn't your first language, (but no doubt you speak it better than I speak YOUR native language ) some of the words are grammatically wrong, and seem, 'bolted' onto the melody. The phonetics are bad, and the whole thing suffers as a consequence. Maybe it works in your own tongue, but
not here.

Time to hook up with another lyricist?

Other than that, good stuff.