june contest ... GOSSIP

[emdot_ambient]

Diek -- Undercover: I hear that first sound in some Goa song someplace. I think it is in India.

I'm sorry but my english level can´t reach the fine irony that's suppossed to be on your post...I would like to think that I've misunderstood you.
Respect!

Wopelka got it pretty close. Those reviews are an attempt at comedy. It's only the very first sound in your song that reminded me of a Goa song (or two) that I used to listen to a lot. The rest of your song isn't in that genre . . . Goa uses a lot of 1/16th note patterns, yours was more 1/8th note.

I figured there were a good number of well constructed, well meaning reviews this month and the theme was just calling out for some in-character mock reviews . . . which I'm going to finish up almost immediately.

No harm intended! Next time I enter a monthly contest I'll do proper reviews . . . keep on entering!

[emdot_ambient]

Hello! Greets again from Sven Schlameel, AR man from Bottom Line Records! Emdot go to work all day, I come here from hotel and use PC. Listen to you music, write reviews and look for porn on Emdot computer! Oh, boy what I saw, let me be telling you! But better not, is not that kind of thread, no? So, what I do is write for you my ideas. Again, I now am putting songs on short list, which keep getting longer. Later Emdot sit down with me and we pick top 10 big time weeners, OK? Number one guy (or whatever) get record contract at Bottom Line Records and pissed off Senior Vice President cause he hate your music. But Sven love it! Sven is nice guy . . . even if he puke in Emdot car. Smell will come out one day. Maybe. Anyway, now we go for page 4 & 5 which end reviews and get on with life. OK? OK!

Page 4 & 5

aieda_cin -- tiholasciato: OK so like we start today with good like indie pop stuff. Nice production but drums not so hot, huh? Good composition, nice voice but not understand words. Please forgive, am not native speaking. Not so bad, but not for list Sorry for you. Good song tho.

1-2-Many -- Deal With It: You miss boat. Boat leave, what, 1978? Sound like old style RNR song. Boston and Journey and all that stuff. Not so bad production. Singing OK. But Sven need something new--oh, sure Senior VP pissed off if Sven give him this but not piss off enough!

PawPawPatch -- The Making of Ricky Krews: Steven Hawking meet My Life In Bush Of Ghost? Bass line by Nitzer Ebb. Pretty synth, drums okay. Crazy song. Is kind of groovy funk. Hmm. Hard one. Like lyrics . . . but maybe not so strong to be on list. Stupid, crazy song that I like to listen to anyway, though. You OK in Sven book.

damstraversaz -- hora: Oh, boy, what is this some kind of sad song? Sven in not sad mood. Okay, I lesten anyways for you. Could turn into funky lay back loungy jazz thing but need drum and voice full of smoke, yes? Mood is much there but no lay back groove. Not so bad for first time, huh? But Sven shake head, still no song on long short list from page 4/5.

sp0rk -- The Arrival: Another first time one? Not sure where this go. Beat, violin, synth. You lay down groove but what for on top of it? Beat and chord but no nothing else. You know? Like soup with meat and no potato. You produce sound well, tho so no problem there, OK? Next please . . . Oh, Emdot not here.

Liqih -- here comes dee bass: Here come dee what? Title say bass but sound more like some pics I found on Emdot PC . . . OK, keep quiet so he not hear. Funny song. More computer talk. Very popular today. Emdot do one but is scared to publish. Always said Emdot was wimp. Emdot is scared of his own bass! But, no, sorry this not on list too.

Griels -- Crazy Every Time: Somehow Sven think maybe you not be so serious about song. You funny man! Swacky-wacky-cracka-piddle-diddle-binga-boom! FINALLY one on list! Sven shake his bass to this for sure, stick tongue out at Senior VP, give bird to him, pull pants down and show him my hairy bass! Good job for you!

Knoob -- TheKube: OK for you you must bring bass up and pump volume. Am telling you this is much too not loud. You do that and make dance song much better. Beat not hooking me to shake my bass. Next.

nikp2000 -- kvr_star: Sorry to what birds? You scare wildlife around studio or some things? Bad is good sometimes. Bad this time just okay. Talk to Griels and get Swacky-wacky-cracka-piddle-diddle-binga-boom! in there an maybe we talk for you, huh? OK on roll now.

Niko -- Sign Me: Stupid shitty rock piece. You said, not Sven. Don't blame poor Sven like Senior VP do when he sign DJ contortionist with epilepsy and chronic asthma as next big R&B star. Oh, boy the insurance bill on that one near put death of Bottom Line . . . but is not Sven's fault! Was drunk at time. OK but for this song we need more bass up. But what point with stupid shitty rock piece? But lyrics could sell in market I know. Rape sheep? For sure that could sell. Saw no sheep pics on Emdot PC, so that rumor not true.

Markleford Friedman -- Broken: Demo? No, we release this for sure but you have to do concert in funny costume. Red tight Spandex suit head to toe and with black feather boa and large add-on naughty parts. You get lots of groupies . . . but take Sven advice and not party too much with them unless you wear plastic protection, OK? I mean plastic protection on all body. Groupie for this music scare even Sven! OK on list.

eljorno -- Time To Advance: Hmm, mix very mushy soft bass, distant middle. Mix needs some work, not clear in mid range, hard to hear some subtles of song. This soundtrack for movie not big time record success. Not for list.

vurt -- like I care: I care very important. Maybe you need glasses and not know without I care. Got right lyrics. Got right beat. I can hear in boom car now. Lots of boom car outside Emdot window. He live on cross of two streets. Vurt is funny man. Saw his pics too. Vurt wears what LadyJ should have: no top. Funny but not for list.

slartibartfast -- Thanks for the Memories: OK keep day job and sell song to They Might Be Giants (or They Might Be Mediocre, depends on who you ask) OK so I get joke but Sven need something killer for list. Next.

whyterabbyt -- alabaster OK so watch spaghetti western on acid and this is soundtrack. Everybody sweaty and not shave but smoke nasty cig until it burn lips and shoot each other for fun. Noisy strangeness. But I think not.

Freeztar -- Keep it Bumpin': That's what movies I found on Emdot PC all about! he gonna kill me for spilling beans! Oops, hear him coming in now . . .

Emdot Sven, what the hell are you doing? There's a whole pot of cooked beans spilled in the kitchen!

Sven Writing reviews for KVR folks. Told them you'd be killing me for spilling beans.

Emdot . . . Oh, I see. You are doing reviews. Cool! Wait . . . You're telling them about the porn flicks on my PC?

Sven Um . . . no time now, more reviews to do! OK back to Freeztar. Go sit down Emdot, Sven in charge now.

Freeztar -- Keep it Bumpin' (continued): OK so lay back groove but . . . no bumping for dance floor! Why you leave out bumping for dance floor? Probably not for this song, huh? Yeah, yeah, for sure, not so bad but not for list, huh? Got something that for sure. Not so bad song.

Oh, that end of all pages! OK so now Emdot and Sven listen to long short list and make decision, OK? Hope you all like Sven. Uh, oh. Phone ring again. Don't answer, Emdot, Senior VP so mad he end up in hospital. Executive VP office try to find me. They leave so many message no room on machine!

Emdot Sven, you've got to face them sometime. Let's go through the short list, come up with our top 10 and then you call them back. Folks, thanks for your patience, the votes'll be all in soon! Good luck to you all!

[rockstar_not]

Sven wrote:

Rockstar_not -- Loser: In desperate need of some help. Sven too. Back in Nashville. Sven never understand Nashville. Sing sad ballad, wear skinny white cowboy hat, do video on horse riding through traffic jam . . . Nashville. Notice nowadays they always have black people in Nashville music video? Do black people listen to white suburban boys sing sad country songs? Yes? Okay, why not. White suburban boys listen to black urban music all the time think they bad driving papa's BMW or their little white boy rice burner Civic with big tail pipe and side skirt and stickers all over car. Sven want to die.

Didn't mean to go cowboy on you Sven - not the intention , nor make you want to die. Rest of the song is in process.

Maybe I should have added some bumpin' bass to the track and sing through my nose?

Anyhow thanks for the laugh

-Scott

[emdot_ambient]

Anyhow thanks for the laugh

Bless you, that made it all worthwhile!

[vurt]

some votes and a hm
the world is going mad,and for that i am glad
vote vurt the aliens say so!

[Markleford]

Thanks emdot and Sven!

- m

[emdot_ambient]

Okay, so my votes are in and Sven's on the phone with his Executive VP at Bottom Line Records. I suspect he's telling them that he's made a major discovery--our #1 Vote, Wopelka--and is about to get a copy of their standard contract fax'd to him so he can PM our winner and get this big record deal . . . wait a moment, Sven's back . . . What's up?

Sven Well, is good news and bad.

Emdot But at least you've got the contract for Wopelka coming and can start setting up a concert date for all the other winners, right?

Sven Not exactly. See, Senior VP gets so mad at Sven not being in Madrid signing flamenco hip-hop group that he has heart attack.

Emdot Holy crap, that's horrible!

Sven What you mean? That's good news!

Emdot Sven, that's mean. But if that's the good news, what's the bad?

Sven No, Emdot not understand. That good news but not THE good news. I'll tell you bad news first, though.

Emdot Yeah?

Sven No record contract. No concert.

Emdot But . . . you PROMISED!

Sven Yeah, sure I did! When Sven was big time AR man at Bottom Line, he promise things like that and do them too. But not now.

Emdot Oh, no. You lost your job?

Sven NO! I got PROMOTED! Sven is Senior VP now. You little people can go get f**ked yourself!

Emdot You bastard.

Sven Yeah, sure, you bet. What you expect from big time record deal?





Okay, so I had fun with it even if you didn't.[/i]

[nikp2000]

hey respirator, thanks for the vote


knoob, slartibartfast, griels thanks for the HMs.

Thanks to all the reviewers. Feedback is always good whether the review was good or bad.

Nick

[Markleford]

Finally started dl'ing tracks so I can try to vote a day before deadline. Came up with four bogus links: can anyone help with alternates?

Seus Hawkins, Suicide Booth
http://audioshots.com/auditorium/download.php?id=1545

DanSad, track
http://s41.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=12KO ... IHIT9Z4GXL

grotman, while you were sleeping
http://audioshots.com/auditorium/download.php?id=1618

Lady J, Mr. Right(Now)
http://www.whiterabbitdesign.co.uk/main ... ghtNow.mp3

Even if those are accounted for, adding to the 55 downloaded by garret's utility brings me to 59, when there should be 60. Anyone else figure this out?

- m

[Lady J]

Finally started dl'ing tracks so I can try to vote a day before deadline. Came up with four bogus links: can anyone help with alternates?

Lady J, Mr. Right(Now)
http://www.whiterabbitdesign.co.uk/main ... ghtNow.mp3

- m

Please fix your link for my track. This is confusing and silly..

AND pardon me for a second but i need to vent some frustration:

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOULD SOME ONE PLEASE FIX---BOTH---- LINKS IN MY SUBMISSION in the SUBMISSIONS thread???

Its a bit hard to understand why a WHOLE day would pass without people being able to properly access my song. If you cant do it at least let me edit the links myself.

I am back from Chinatown and not happy

enough games. fix link.

CORRECT LINK: http://www.the-backups.com/0506-Lady-J--MrRightNow.mp3
ALTERNATE LINK: http://www.toneheaded.com/0506-Lady-J--MrRightNow.mp3

[Lady J]

-duplicate post--

[Barnadine]

More reviews. Thanks.

Interesting how many different eras people have compared my track to - every decade from the fifties onwards. Must have nailed that 'vague generic retro' vibe that is every musician's dream.

I agree with comments on the mix. Sounded okay played loud and alone, but comparatively murky when surrounded by shinier tracks. Not a lot of top end, and I didn't bother to compress the crap out of it. Bad form. Should go punish myself with birch twigs.

Always appreciative of the feedback.

[Markleford]

Its a bit hard to understand why a WHOLE day would pass without people being able to properly access my song. If you cant do it at least let me edit the links myself.

Here's why, and I'll put it in big type so maybe you can read it clearly:

WE DO THIS FOR FUN.

WE DO NOT GET PAID: IT'S NOT OUR JOB.

WE HAVE OTHER THINGS GOING ON IN OUR LIVES.

enough games. fix link.

Enough demands: go f**k thyself.

And you know what? It *is* a game. Is a silly little f**king meaningless contest that you try to drag into the dirt every time you darken our door.

Sure you take "the business" (and "the message"!) seriously. We appreciate that. However, other people prefer to take this as the pleasant diversion that it is supposed to be. Sure you can win a plugin or somesuch if you win, but not much else: I imagine that most other people would win the respect of the other contestants, but all respectability you might have bleeds away with ever self-centered superdrama post you write.

If you haven't noticed, nobody gets an *actual* Major Label Contract from this! It's all pretend! It's not the end of the f**king world!

Additionally, it's not your f**king right to be f**king served at the snap of your f**king fingers. I already fixed your link once today, so I'M SO f**king SORRY THAT I DIDN'T MAKE IT MY PERSONAL f**king BUSINESS TO MONITOR IT EVERY FIVE f**king MINUTES SO THAT YOUR f**king CHANCES OF WINNING AREN'T IN ANY WAY THREATENED.

So I've fixed your f**king link. AGAIN. Hopefully it will stick around for a while again this time. But if it doesn't, you might want to try a "please" and a "thank you" next time instead of "venting frustration", 'cause I can assure you that I'm a hell of a lot more frustrated than you seeing as how people are sending f**king demands for my volunteer effort *without* sending a f**king PM or email like most people would to make sure they got my attention.

And believe me, they put it a hell of a lot nicer attitude and language than you do.

So golly, looks like you missed almost a *day* where the links were wrong. I feel so f**king sorry for you! I mean, you're doing *so* shitty in the voting thus far, what with all those #1 votes: I can see as how you might fret that your standing is in peril!

Or maybe you'll get a f**king clue that not everybody downloads at the last minute and plenty of people have heard your track already during the month. And maybe you'll get over this paranoid delusion crap about how somebody hacked your site specifically to engineer your downfall.

I don't run these contests regularly and am not the official judge. However, I would like to ask you as a personal favor to either grow the f**k up or never participate in one of these contests again.

- m

[Lady J]

Thank you for fixing the links Markleford.

Well done.



http://www.elaoentertainment.com

[donkey tugger]

Come on Markleford lad, do it properly. Where's yer picture of you in your underwear? It always helps to put the point across. You know it makes sense.