New Year's Resolution: No "Shimmering" Pads or &qu

[plasticmoonrain]

For New Year's this year, I propose that music companies, programmers and journalists stop using the same words over and over and over and over again to describe synthesizer and guitar tones.

These words have got to be replaced by more imaginative phrases by PR people, marketers and writers, because they are being use so often, it's all a blur.

I mean there should be an outright ban on these extremely overused phrases:

* "shimmering," "deep" or "dark" pads
* "nasty" leads or basses
* "mysterious" drones
* "warm" amp tones
* "fat" synths
* "powerful" filters

Instead, I propose that beginning in 2006, there should be a whole new set of adjectives used to describe tones and products.

For once, I'd really like somebody to describe their product using these phrases like these:

* Cough-up-phlegm-balls heart-shaking leads.
* Overweight synths.
* Pissed-off and angry basses.
* Tinky Winky pads.
* Balmy amp tones.
* Smoked-too-much weed drones.
* Kung fu-crazed filters.

We potential customers need something more provocative and descriptive, so one shimmer doesn't sound like another shimmer.

C'mon people -- surely you all have better descriptive phrases you'd rather see and use. Let's see'em!

[ew]

But...impOSCar "screams like a baaastard"

ew

[Shane Sanders]

The Mother of All Synths

Pads that linger and nag you into an angst coma

Quarrelsome leads, just like the in-laws

Restrictive filters

And Unison that'll have you doing your homework and cleaning your room like nobody's business

[Van Greco]

radioactive amp tones

fey pads

bowel-shaking basses

homemade leads...just like grndma used to make...mmmmm

swankadelic synths

And more presets than you can shake phallus at even if you're heavyweight phallus shaking champion of the world

[SuitcaseOfLizards]

But...impOSCar "screams like a baaastard"

ew

That's another over-used term. Let's replace it with:

"Squeals like a sodomized pig"

Along the same lines:

Anally-invasive bass
Sphincter-soothing pads
Sandpaper-wipe leads

[JeffSanders]

[robenestobenz]

Creamy is my pet hate of this species.