Ego and creative blocks.

[Dreamw]

When I started out making music 17 years ago I did it purely as something that I enjoyed and I did it purely to please myself. Recognition and financial reward were not relevant at all. As I became more obsessive about electronic music obviously my skills improved with practise and I started to get positive feedback from those around me. Then my ego became hooked on other peoples praise and a little of the joy seeped away from the creative process becaus eit was no longer just for myself, ironically it had been making music that pleased me that had also pleased other people. As I continued to create some of my stuff was played on national radio and became published on a few small independant labels. Making music began to occupy all of my time but I wasnt making any money from it. I didnt care, however my parent began to see music making as my "career" parental pride ambition and pressure stepped into the equation and then the pressure was on to "make money " as well. Perhaps it wasnt pure vanity on the part of my parents perhaps they also wished me to have a better more creative life than they had had. Also any of you who are heavily involved in music creation know that it is something one does say 10 hours a day sometimes more and its not always possible to hold down a day job as well, so if it doesnt make money you have to get a job and if you get a job then thats less time devoted to the music creation process.
So once again a little of the joy seeped out of the creative process. I decided to go to university to study "sonic art" and give myself three years to just focus on primarily experimental and electroacoustic music. There the essays we wrote about the tunes are more important than the music itself. However I got a lot out of the course.
Now even though I have millions of ideas swimming around my head I hardly dare touch my music equipment as it is loaded with the expectations of self, friends and family, lust for recognition and money seem to degrade something that was special and sacred that I have been pressured into turning into a reluctant cash cow (reluctant as in it makes no money) .
What made the music enjoyable to others in the first place was that I was enjoying it myself.
So have any of you experienced similar creative blocks and if so how did you get around them ?

[yagya]

I think I know what you are talking about. I have found that pressure to make something specific and good for other people really kills my creativity. Like making dance music, that really bores me. I tried to make some commercial songs with my friend but they were really awful.

So I decided to make music only for myself and never try to gain money from it, and it works. Actually, the tracks that I made thinking "screw this! now I'll make something I like!!" have really been the ones that brought in the most cash.. I think it has something to do with the soul we put into things we really like. But I learned computer science and am working as a programmer now. I'm on a summer holiday this week and next and, surprise surprise, I spend it all working my music

[opia]

You might find it becomes more of enjoyable hobby again if you skip the 'posting-for-feedback' part of the process.

[nasenmann]

I'm experiencing similar blocks sometimes, though the reasons may vary.
One major reason is that I'm too demanding of myself. I open my sequencer and expect to craft a friggin masterpiece in the shortest time. If I don't succeed, I get frustrated quickly and close the app.

When I was just starting out with electronic music in early 2004, I could just sit around forever and audition the strange noises that were emitted by turning some knobs. I was just playing. And with that attitude I produced some fairly unique stuff. Terribly mixed, sure, but I still enjoy the compositions because of their personality.

Then I finished school. I was still tinkering around, but after some months I realized that I didn't really have a direction at all. So I examined the possibility of getting more 'serious' at music making, among other things.

I think this was when things got worse. I was trying too hard, and it wasn't helping my creativity at all. At some point, just opening the sequencer almost put me to sleep. It wasn't fun anymore, so my body resisted I guess.

Then there was another time when I got obsessed with having the perfect setup of virtual instruments at my disposal. I'd just spend a whole night downloading VSTs and deleting them again. Pretty neurotic stuff.
So suddenly the structure of everything got important, having a minimalist, perfect set of tools and using them in the most effective way.

It seems like I was desperately trying to obtain a professional attitude to compensate the feeling of being lost in the world of adulthood.

I eventually rediscovered another talent of mine and am studying graphics design now. I'm no longer pressuring myself as much, but getting rid of bad associations needs some time, it seems. I still have to convince myself that making a tune is eventually going to be fun once I get into it. Opening the sequencer is never. It's like my subconscious is saying "Ugh, that moron is trying to enslave me again. f**k you."


Anyway, that's my experience with creative block. I probably just need a playful attitude/environment, while others blossom in a professional environment and under ridiculous amounts of stress, having to produce stuff that suits other people's taste.

I'm not sure what to tell you. Maybe switching the gear helps. Sounds cheap, but often associations are just linked to the surface of something.
like, switching from software to hardware gear or something. Making music on an instrument you have no clue about to lower the expectation. Or change the setting if possible.
I can't really be of help with the whole lust for recognition thing, as I haven't resolved that one myself yet. I basically want everyone to love my stuff

[Dreamw]

Great replies so far thanks ! Funnily enough just writing this crap down seems to have unblocked something in me ...... weird huh ?

[ugo]

the best creative block breaker i've ever tried was suggested to me by another kvr member last year. i ended up modifying the original rules a bit to fit me better, but in essence the idea is to write as much of a song as you can within two hours. you can go back to it again later if you want, but you must do as much as you can within that two hour limit. optimally this would include the entire basic structure of the song, intros, bridges, and all.

this writing experiment worked particularly well for me because i have the tendency to get stuck trying to perfect a single 16 bar section for the whole night, instead of laying down the ground work for the entire song first. so by limiting my time, it forced me to keep moving forward and look towards the big picture first, instead of getting bogged down in the details. it also forced me to look more towards melody instead of getting caught in the cycle of tweaking a looping rhythm section.

additionally, because of the time limit, you dont have time to try to force ideas that arent working. you've got no choice but to let them drop and keep moving forward instead. in a situation like this i suppose it could be easy to fall back on your standard back of tricks to get the job done, and end up producing weak material. but at least in my case choosing to use the old ideas is a conscious decision, and as such it is really more of a technical decision than a true creative outlet. if you are willing to not think so much and just roll with whatever music comes out of you, you may find you can discover a whole new side of your creativity that you never saw before.

a big part of this though is also being willing to not worry about what the results are like. you've got to treat this as a writing experiment...just let it fly and see where you go. dont worry about quality or style, just roll with it. and you've only got two hours, so you cant expect a masterpiece by the end of it anyway. but if you really try to get as much done as you can, you will probably find that you've achieved far more than you ever expected you could within such a short time period. at this point, you're probably so close to a complete song that it would be a shame not to try to finish it up, since you've already got the "hard part" behind you.

once i've had my two hour session, i prefer to sit back and listen to what i've done...then put it aside for a day. i'll let the ideas kick around in my head and barely work on it. then i come back to it the following day (or day after that) and really work on it again. this seems to help me refocus and find the direction more clearly. i found a particularly good schedule was to have the initial session on thursday nights, let it sit on friday, then work on it again seriously over the weekend. during the weekend i'd allow myself as many hours as needed to finish the song, but my goal was to have it complete by monday morning.

using this process, i was able to break out of a very long standing creative rut and i was producing at least a song a week for a few months there...and they were good too! i only stopped this process because troubles in my life got in the way and sidetracked me. but i still use the underlying principals to get work done, and it still helps me tremendously. by getting out of my own way and thinking less, i am able to keep moving forward and writing more, and the deadlines help keep me focused.

by the way, you may find it helpful to do this experiment with someone else who is also having writers block, as a weekly event. this is pretty much how it was originally suggested to me and it definitely helped get me rolling. the idea here is that both of you write your own songs on the same night, at the same time. once your two hours are up, you render what you've got and upload it for the other person to hear. knowing that someone else is doing it at the same time helped guilt me into writing instead of getting frustrated, giving up, and watching tv or reading kvr. and even if you think the session might not go well, its still only two hours out of your life, and you're still working on music, so its hard to justify not just doing it. also, sending someone else what i had done helped give me a feeling of accomplishment and allowed me to get some feedback and encouragement. once you've both settled into your groove, you dont have to do it at the exact same time anymore if you dont want to. you can just agree on a deadline each week where you have to present each other with a finished song.

but even just doing this on your own can work, because ultimately is not about working with someone else but rather just keeping yourself focused on your task, while getting out of the way of your own creativity.

[Dreamw]

Thanks Ugo thats a great idea !