How Did I Get Here?

[Kevin Deas]

Thank you for the thoughtful compassionate responses.

[Cordelia]

Kevin,
I don't believe we've "spoken". I rarely post here at KvR since my cancer diagnosis in 2010. I remember a thread in which Kriminal mocked Reason Lahalla for not having health insurance. Reason had just told us all he was dying of lung cancer. That's how I remember this forum.

I understand deeply what it means to face death. It can't be understood until it's your turn. What you know now can't learned from doctors or preachers, books or bibles.

Get outside. Take a look at this amazing creation while you can. The "world" of humans is the tiniest, the saddest part. Go outside and see what you are, and always will be, a part of.

I wish you strength, and as much pleasure and joy as you can find. Mostly I hope you forgive yourself for what you regret in life, and find peace in the love and respect you have for yourself as an amazing individual, completely unique in this universe and completely a part of every atom of everything.

[elxsound]

Your words are touching. A guy 'facing his mortality' and tells us to 'be positive enjoy your talents and music' gives us an important message.

Thank you for writing this post, and hang on!!

My thoughts exactly...


Thanks for taking the time to write your post. Definitely keep making music. I gave up music just once for a 4 year span and nothing felt right during those years. For me, it doesn't matter if I'm composing, practicing piano, or recording/processing sound. It's just something I have to do and I know I'd be lost without it. It might not always be as obvious if you've just been doing it for as long as you remember, but you might find yourself worse off without it.

[Kriminal]

Kevin,
I don't believe we've "spoken". I rarely post here at KvR since my cancer diagnosis in 2010. I remember a thread in which Kriminal mocked Reason Lahalla for not having health insurance. Reason had just told us all he was dying of lung cancer. That's how I remember this forum.

You might want to check your f**king facts pal....he had 'just told us' he had been robbed, and his studio wasnt insured

i guess you remember things the way you want to, not how they actually were...turns out he was lying anyway (about dying)...

[Kriminal]

DP

[Kriminal]

DP

[arkmabat]

Thank You deastman and VORT3X for reading my post and for offering ideas to help make things a little better. You guys proved to me that KVR is more than just snarky snipers waiting to rain on someone's parade. Thanks again and Peace.

It's a lot more than that. It's been a constant in my life, even with my parents getting divorced and having to move around a lot and now that I'm alone at college... KVR has always been there. Music has something great to offer; to give us hope and inspiration if that makes sense. Glad you've found that too. Sorry to hear about the illnesses. I truly am.

[Kriminal]

Now I am disabled (Stage 4, inoperable, incurable cancer) living on SSI while the clock ticks. My therapist constantly pushes me to keep doing my music to relieve the depression. So here I am. I used to look forward to KVR, before it became the vicious snake pit it is now. At 62 years old and facing my mortality all of this seems petty and trifling. I guess what I'm saying is be positive enjoy your talents and music. In the end it may be all you have.

Bad news indeed, but if you can stay positive thru your music, something good can come from it. Im now off to visit my brother-in-law in hospital (collapsed last night), he's 24 and has an inoperable brain tumour. (they removed most of it a while back, and he has had radio, and is still on chemo...)

no idea how either of you really feel facing your own mortality, so i wont pretend i do, but it certainly isnt something i want to do right now

good luck with everything

[kmonkey]

I have always owned a computer of one type or another, but it wasn't until the late 90's that I finally got a PC.( Atari and Commodore before that) I was a gamer but was unhappy with the constantly changing configurations needed to play the games. One day while looking for games that would run on my PC, a salesman gave me some advice that changed my relationship with computers. He said.." I use my computer for computer tasks and my console to play games". I switched to consoles, but now had a computer gathering dust. By chance I discovered the eJay line and then Acid. I love music but could only play a few chords on guitar. Those apps gave me the chance to make music! I soon found I was pretty good at assembling tracks with Acid loops. I seemed to be able to make my compositions more than the sum of their parts. I soon was recording vocals over my loops and posting the result on AcidPlanet. I thought of myself as an electronic artist, but something wasn't right. Everybody had the same loops, and no matter how I chopped them up, they weren't mine. Next came VSTi and the piano roll. I knew nothing about music theory and music production. CM magazine became my text book and the forum my music class. Because I really wasn't a musician soon my music became simplistic. Still I had a lot to say and my lyrics carried me. A handful of listeners followed me, but my life was a train wreck and I wrote about what I felt. I eventually turned off my few fans. I still enjoyed the gear and the software and playing around with it. So I have some nice kit and now and then I can compose a tune or two. Now I am disabled (Stage 4, inoperable, incurable cancer) living on SSI while the clock ticks. My therapist constantly pushes me to keep doing my music to relieve the depression. So here I am. I used to look forward to KVR, before it became the vicious snake pit it is now. At 62 years old and facing my mortality all of this seems petty and trifling. I guess what I'm saying is be positive enjoy your talents and music. In the end it may be all you have.

Hey man! Sorry that you are leaving this world sooner then expected. It's never good time for that.

If you are happy with what you are doing (making music) i believe it is a success. Success by having happy times with what you like to do and living your life.

Travel happily, arrive wherever you need to arrive

Good luck man and thanks for being honest

[fluffy_little_something]

Gee, that sucks. How much time have you got left?

I can only speak for myself, but I would not spend much time on KVR, I would use my remaining time to travel (if still possible) and meet real people. Modern humans waste way too much time on the Internet, me included.

[Hink]

Kevin,
I don't believe we've "spoken". I rarely post here at KvR since my cancer diagnosis in 2010. I remember a thread in which Kriminal mocked Reason Lahalla for not having health insurance. Reason had just told us all he was dying of lung cancer. That's how I remember this forum.

You might want to check your f**king facts pal....he had 'just told us' he had been robbed, and his studio wasnt insured

i guess you remember things the way you want to, not how they actually were...turns out he was lying anyway (about dying)...

maybe she remembers it how she remembers it because she was busy kicking cancer's ass, I'm not sure I would have the strength (I have no doubt you would have the strength fwiw Dave) but I can only imagine the strain that put on her. I have known Cordelia longer than I have been a member of KvR and while typically I am the first to defend KvR against such statements I will give her the benefit of the doubt and tbh I can see her remembering parts of KvR that way. I'm sorry she mixed that up Dave

[Kriminal]

Just setting the record straight Hink, dont want to derail anymore, so leave it at that.

[experimental.crow]

Just setting the record straight Hink, dont want to derail anymore, so leave it at that.

good that you did ...