KVR Audio

chris.r · Post by **chris.r** » Thu Mar 12, 2015 1:47 am

A piano tuner is tuning the piano. Hostess offered a tea and put the kettle on gas. As soon he heard the wistle he says:
- strange, all whistles usually sound in B flat but this one sounds in C sharp.

fese · Post by **fese** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 4:49 pm

Two dixieland musicians at practice. Asks one: "hey, do you know the subdominant of F?" Replies the other: "what, I thought F was the subdominant??"

Another drummer'n'lightbulb joke:
How many drummer do you need to change a lightbulb?
Twenty. One to hold the lightbulb and nineteen to drink until the room starts spinning.

Last one, again on drummers...
Band practice. The musical director stops the song and asks the drummer whether he could play with more dynamics. Replies the drummer: "More dynamics?? But I'm already hittin' as hard as I can!!"

Touch The Universe · Post by **Touch The Universe** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 4:51 pm

bluedad wrote:
Tjgoa wrote:you can tune a piano, but you can't tune-a-fish
if I had a nickel for every time I heard that I'd be rich...and everyone that says that to me thinks that's the most clever and original thing to say..(I am a piano tuner, btw)

hence the

Taifunk · Post by **Taifunk** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 5:38 pm

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."
The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."

After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."

The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"

The store owner says, "That 'big red accordion' is the radiator."

Mister Natural · Post by **Mister Natural** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:01 pm

JJBiener wrote:How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

this one is totally my fave so far !

Googly Smythe · Post by **Googly Smythe** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:18 pm

Band setting up on stage, FOH engineer asks singer for a soundcheck, singer says "I don't want to, don't want to".

Tricky-Loops · Post by **Tricky-Loops** » Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:53 pm

What does a Bavarian brass player do when he wants to see his neighbor girl at night?

He connects his trumpet with an amplifier at 2 a.m.!

Nickel Smith · Post by **Nickel Smith** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 3:46 am

Question: What kind of ensemble does a pirate perform in?

Answer: An Arrrg-estra!

cryophonik · Post by **cryophonik** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 4:00 am

How about my least favorite musician joke:

Nickelback.

coincidental · Post by **coincidental** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:27 pm

Some good ones in this thread! Personally I love violas, but I can't resist a good viola joke (from a nice long list at http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/viola.html):

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.

What is the range of a viola?
As far as you can kick it.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

Although, of course, they get their own back:

Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them.

Of course, you can swap in any instrument.
How do you keep your Mini Moog from getting stolen?
Put it in a DX7 case.

Deep Purple · Post by **Deep Purple** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 4:05 pm

After passing away, a man ascends to the heavens and finds himself in a line outside the Pearly Gates with two people in front of him.

St Peter says to the first guy "What's your name and what did you do when you were on earth?"

The guy replies "My name is Roger Brown, and I was an attorney".

"An attorney? Sorry, you don't belong here", and a hole opens in the sky smelling of fire and brimstone, and the man is plunged down it before it closes behind him.

St Peter asks the same thing of the next guy and he replies "My name is George White, and I worked for the IRS".

Again, St Peter opens up the fiery hole and the man is plunged into Hell.

He then says to the last guy "What is your name, and what did you do?"

The man says "My name is John Smith, and I just spent 20 years working in the office of the studio where Nickelback records their music."

St Peter says "Oooh, you've been in Hell long enough already - you'd better come inside"

Hink · Post by **Hink** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 7:02 pm

Tricky-Loops wrote:What does a Bavarian brass player do when he wants to see his neighbor girl at night?

He connects his trumpet with an amplifier at 2 a.m.!

well you can scratch comedian off of your bucket list

thecontrolcentre · Post by **thecontrolcentre** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 7:10 pm

Hink wrote:
Tricky-Loops wrote:What does a Bavarian brass player do when he wants to see his neighbor girl at night?

He connects his trumpet with an amplifier at 2 a.m.!
well you can scratch comedian off of your bucket list

It's the way he tells 'em

Tricky-Loops · Post by **Tricky-Loops** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 7:26 pm

Hink wrote:
Tricky-Loops wrote:What does a Bavarian brass player do when he wants to see his neighbor girl at night?

He connects his trumpet with an amplifier at 2 a.m.!
well you can scratch comedian off of your bucket list

If Bavarian humor is too intellectual for you, you need some good Bavarian beers!

thecontrolcentre · Post by **thecontrolcentre** » Tue Mar 17, 2015 7:35 pm

Tricky-Loops wrote:If Bavarian humor is too intellectual for you ...

I don't know. Do you have any examples?

Your Favorite Musician Joke ?