My girlfriend hates my music making

[el-bo (formerly ebow)]

After that my girlfriend comes yelling that I didn't cleaned well and that I have to cook something because she didn't had any warm meal that day...

Your careful, considered posts in this thread hint at all the love and respect coming from your end. As Whyterabbyt pointed out, this likely isn't a "music" issue (I'm currently enjoying your tunes, by the way ), but an issue of control. As such, I think the necessary conversations would have very little to do with music

[Doug1978]

Goodness knows what kind of advice you think you'll get get here that you don't already know but (as I put near top of page 1), if she is serious about her views and unable to compromise then your option is to dump her or dump the music-making.

Thin end of the wedge...


One caveat is that Christmas particularly makes people think weird emotional things. See how it pans out in the next 3 weeks and then make the call.

But in fairness you know all this already without having to ask random blokes on the net!

[Zexila]

[sazb30]

I think lots of us here must run into this conflict to a greater or lesser extent.. when one partner has an all consuming passion that is not shared by the other, there is the potential for friction. It can work though, so long as both sides respect one another's needs. My partner has no interest in my music-making but has always given me plenty of space to do my thing. I have to know when to stop (which is sometimes difficult and frustrating!) and accept that I can only do it when it fits around the rest of my life and my family. It is not always easy and of course sometimes there are tensions, but fundamentally, my partner respects the importance of music in my life. Having said this, I spend most of my life working and caring for my family, so music is a relatively small part of it in terms of time (although it is always in my thoughts and is a big part of who I consider myself to be).

So I guess this rambling is coming around to saying..

Balance and mutual respect are key here. It is important that you find a balance between your music and other areas of your life, but it is equally important that your partner respect what you create and allow you to create it. If your partner is demeaning the significance of what you do, then this is not respectful. Maybe you and / or your partner have unrealistic expectations about the amount of time you should be able to devote to your music? This can be easily ascertained with a little communication.

So, talk. Make sure she understands that it is important to you and that it is hurtful when she trivialises it. But also get to the bottom of why she appears to 'hate' your music-making. I'm sure it's not as simple as that.

Anyway, good luck!

[Aloysius]

Get her a nice cat to play with while you're making music. That should make everybody happy.

[ghettosynth]

Get her a nice cat to play with while you're making music. That should make everybody happy.

Most likely she already has one. Maybe she just doesn't know how to play with it?

[Lejurai]

Still, you'd better assist your GF in bedroom rather than sit in front of PC

Come on, we're five years together and sex is on the last place she is thinking of...

I've been together with my wife for almost 8 years and she thinks of it. Though I'm a beast so I'm not wondering why she's thinking of it

So my advice is for you, not her... make the attempt at reasonable discussion and explanation as to how important it is to you. and make the offer to compromise ('give me one day a week I can work uninterrupted and we can do something on other say' or somesuch).

Thanks. I hope I will be able to talk to her about this. But I'm afraid this compromise will never happen. In week days I have to learning with stepdaughter after school (she had developmental dysphasia, so we must learn for about two hours after school every day). After that my girlfriend comes yelling that I didn't cleaned well and that I have to cook something because she didn't had any warm meal that day...

Hm.. Sounds like that she's with you because you're her bitch. "make food, clean the house, get my kid from the school". IMO you should just tell her that you need your own thing, and if she's not happy with it, you can be happy without her. OR you can be sneaky. Late at night txt with some of your friend, laugh a little.. When she becomes a little jelous and wants to know who are you messaging with, you're like "just one friend". Start to spend more time outside your house.. At some friends studio maybe? Little stuff to make her notice that she doesn't want you to leave ^^

Or then she'll just find another bitch to dominate.

[JerGoertz]

whyterabbyt has some good advice here.

I knew someone like that, and at the end of the day it wasn't actually about the computer, or the time being spent on it, or what it was being used for; it was entirely a control issue.

So my advice is for you, not her... make the attempt at reasonable discussion and explanation as to how important it is to you. and make the offer to compromise ('give me one day a week I can work uninterrupted and we can do something on other say' or somesuch).

if after that, you're still under pressure to give up your hobbies for what's basically a 'just because' reason, then start thinking a bit more about how good a relationship it is and if there are other issues like that, because that kind of one-sidedness/selfishness often doesnt go away with time, it often gets worse.

[fedexnman]

Damn .. I'd be done . Never had this situation even with the ones that didn't workout. If I'd a had kids I may have shut the music shop up a tad .

[A_SN]

I'm desperate I love my girlfriend but some of their habits makes me angry. Every time I want to sit in front of my PC to make some music my girlfriend comes to our bedroom and start to complain about my "nonsense sitting in front of PC" She loves to helping animals and fights against animal cruelty and she don't understand that computers are part of my life (my half job is graphic designer). So everything computer related is stupid for her. I don't think my music sucks but she told me that this is nonsense cause it never brings me any money (It's just a hobby).

https://m.soundcloud.com/euphonia1

I will be happy if you can tell me some advice or message for her...

Thanks

Mario

Your work is fine, so she's the problem. When you're an artist your woman is supposed to be your muse. Instead she puts you and your work down and is an impediment. It's not going to work out, forget about her and find one who's muse material.

[Regnas]

Time to switch slave....

[noizetronic]

+1 for thinking about GF v2.0 or the fabulous This Girlfriend. If she's unable to accept what makes you happy, you could try to take a final stand or look into changing relations.

[Jbravo]

I would say it's time to set some boundaries, enforce them and demand some respect for who you are. If she doesn't like that then too bad, assuming you're not completely ignoring her in order to make music. I would hate that kind of emotional blackmail/control in a relationship and I think it sounds very unhealthy :/

just my 2 cents

[Touch The Universe]

Still, you'd better assist your GF in bedroom rather than sit in front of PC

Come on, we're five years together and sex is on the last place she is thinking of...

play some gigs -- earn money = problem solved

[ATS]

just ignore her, that is what I do with my gf, we been together about 15 years