February Contest: Submissions "Strictly Commercial"

[DrApostropheX]

Strictly Commercial

With the Big Game this month, and with February being the shortest month, and with creeping consumerism coming for us all, what could be more appropriate than taking a commercial break this month?

The challenge this month is to write one or more (see below) commercials of no more than 60-seconds each. Are these 15-second jingles for products which don't exist yet, 60-second soundscapes with voiceovers for made up scenic vistas, or just quirky instrumentals that some heartless ad exec will juxtapose over footage of orphaned sea otters? That's up to you!

Also up to you is the number of submissions you can submit this month (up to 5). After you have posted your first track in the thread below, you may return to that original post up until the submissions deadline and edit it to add additional tracks (no more than 5 total), each no longer than 60 seconds. You can do an entire ad campaign!
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Submissions MUST follow these rules:

1 - Encoded in either .mp3 or .ogg format.

2 - This month you may submit up to 5 tracks total by editing and adding each additional track to your original post in the thread below. Each track should be no more than 60 seconds.

3 - Entered into the contest by posting a DIRECT LINK (note: THIS MEANS A DOWNLOAD LINK) in this RULES & SUBMISSIONS thread (use the GOSSIP thread for everything else). If you cant provide a direct link, please contact one of the following people listed below, they will be happy to help you out. These people provide free hosting for the purpose of this contest only! They are not a hosting service. When contacting these people, please take the effort to understand the terms and conditions they provide.

Providers:
2 - watto
3 - slartibartfast

In addition...
http://www.kara-moon.com/forum has offered "self service" space. Log into the forum to find out more.

4 - Submitted by early a.m. (US Central Time) Monday, February 25th (more time for voting this month so everyone can download everything and keep it all straight).

5 - Your entry(s) must be composed specifically for this contest (or, if a cover, arranged/recorded specifically for this contest).

6 - Your entry(s) must be created with audio plugins or software studio.

7 - Your entry should have the FILE named in a format of "yearmonth_artistname_tracktitle" (eg "1902_Agency_TheTruthAboutPeanutButter.mp3"), where the artistname is the same as your KVR name. Please do not use spaces and special characters in the filename. Special considerations will be given to those that have the hosting agent change the file name.

8 - If you are going to tag your mp3--and you should--the artist name is to be the same as your KVR name, and the title tag is to be the name of your tune.

9 - One person can participate either with one entry, with one entry and one collaborative effort or with two collaborative efforts.

10 - Every submission has to be tagged with:
a) used instruments (virtual and 'real')
b) players' and singers' names (if other than entrant; collabs are allowed, sometimes encouraged, but they must be credited)
c) origin of loops and samples, if they're not free of copyright (this includes CreativeCommons material; please read and follow the license of the samples and loops you use); naming the origin of copyright free loops is also encouraged, but not mandatory. Please only use samples you are legally entitled to use.
d) name(s) of composer(s) -- if an entry is a cover this should be noted in the file name and/or the mp3 "Title" tag as well as the submission post (not everyone reads the submission posts).

11 - If there are strong doubts about the origin of the composition or parts of it, the participant should have the possibility to send a project file to the moderator, who could give it to a trustworthy person with the right host to examine it. Important: the participant should not be forced to do it.

12 - No resubmissions without permission from the moderator, INCLUDING for time-overage correction. Please PM me for permission.

13 - Any tracks not adhering to these guidelines will be very naughty indeed. Possibly disqualified upon peer review. And at least mocked for all to point and giggle.

14 - Voting (members must have at least 20 posts to vote ... although contest entrants are exempt from this ruling) will run from the submission deadline until early a.m, March 1st. Anyone voting for themselves will find ALL their votes disqualified; any entrants not voting will also be disqualified.

If you have questions, send a private message to drapostrophex (that's me, Victor!) or ask in the gossip thread. There's a good chance I'll answer eventually!

[donkey tugger]

1. The Dear Leader was becoming worried about his prospects in the forthcoming election. The investigations which had resulted in the arrest of half of his staff, the sex scandals, and the abject failure to have his great wall built had left him shaken. He therefore decreed that campaigning would start with a vengeance, beginning with something designed to appeal to his core voters..

http://www.bennyleeds7.myfreeola.uk/02- ... ncrump.mp3

The Russian bribery and corruption;

Steven Slate drums
IK Modo bass
Pedal steel from Satantank2 played with plastic guitar in 'tap' mode
Resonator model from Line 6 Variax electic guitar
Gibson acoustic model from Variax
Telecaster model from Variax
Epiphone acoustic guitar
Singing (after a fashion)

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2. We've all been there- a horrible affliction. Now a radio commercial promising a new product to sort it out quickly!

http://www.bennyleeds7.myfreeola.uk/01- ... yt-mcs.mp3


The load lighteners;

Steven Slate drums
IK Modo bass
Line 6 Variax guitar semi-acoustic model
Various vocal bits
Some siren samples
A 'special' sample I made myself. One is British after all...

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3. When Wigan based super conglomerate Vurtco decided to launch their microwavable 'Smack Barm Peawet At Home' range they knew it would be a hard sell given the association as a vile and weird North of England chip-shop food;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fglEmRE19q0

They therefore knew they had to bring out the big emotional blackmail guns for their TV advert and sell it as the ultimate 'comfort food';

http://www.bennyleeds7.myfreeola.uk/01- ... peawet.mp3

The advert starts with a child sat crying by the grave of his first pet (let's say a donkey called vurt..) , utterly inconsolable. His mother can't cheer him up, so she goes inside and emerges with a plate, perched upon which is a steaming hot smack barm peawet. At first the child is reluctant, but the flavoursome aroma soon entices him to try some, and in short order he reaches out for his mothers hand and they walk away, one glance back, and vurt the donkey is forgotten.

The condiments;

NI Una Corda piano
Singing in the wobbly stylee

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4. Vurtco's dedicated shopping TV channel, Donkeyshoptv, sells a load of utter shite, including the 'Donkey Tugger Funk Alarm Clock' .

http://www.bennyleeds7.myfreeola.uk/01- ... larmed.mp3

The cornucopia of crap;

Intro;

NI 80s drums
NI Rickenbacker Bass
Some frootyloops sinthesisers
12 string electric
Cheesy salesman voice-overs

Alarm;

Addictive Drums
Variax guitar Telecaster model
IK MODO bass
NI session horns
Some vocal nonsense

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5. Post Brexit there were a lot of psychological issues, including erectile dysfunction arising from the collective sense of abject failure. British industry in the form of Vurtco, needing a bit of a boost itself, stepped into the breach with the new Viagra ripoff, 'Donkeyman'. To lessen the stigma, they tried to get the message across that even the love gods of soul need a bit of help at times to, 'interact'. Lisa Stansfield refused to take part, and was replaced by some random northerner....

http://www.bennyleeds7.myfreeola.uk/01- ... keyman.mp3

The tumescent tools;

Variax electric guitar (ES335 model)
Epiphone acoustic guitar
IK MODO bass
Addictive Drums
AAS Lounge Lizard session
Kontakt Factory Library strings
Sonivox Orchestral Companion strings
The Walrus of Luuuurve

[Hellfog]

Nr 1
https://soundcloud.com/psyerichybrid/un ... co/s-Q5oBU

English translate:

An eternal taco that complements you in the best way,
each bite melts in the mouth
enjoy until the last moment
An eternal taco.

Alhambra guitar, Electric guitar, Spanish dude, EQ, Reverb, Vind , Noise.


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Nr 2

https://soundcloud.com/psyerichybrid/20 ... re/s-4HLMJ

English translate:
The Italian stallion, the fastest car ever





Omnsiphere, Diva, Hive, Eq, Reverb, Stereo Wider, Car fx and voice from the internet.


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Nr 3

Horror movie trailer: Planet psycho

https://soundcloud.com/psyerichybrid/pl ... ho/s-5NpZQ

When psychos rules the planet, no one is safe.



Repro-1, Repro-5, Diva, Analog Lab, Eq, Reverb, Reapitch, My voice, Screams, Shainsaw samples.

[Laguna Rising]

1

ActionDrive Snow Tires

HW:
Charvel guitar, Rocktron Chameleon, 'Swamp' DIY Strat, Alesis solo tube pre, Shure beta58, H&K Tubemeister 5, Alesis Nanoverb, Electro Harmonix Soul Food.
SW :
Minimogue VA, NI Bandstand, NI Battery, NI Massive, Trilogy, Amplitube3, Glaceverb, Camel space, KeFir, LFX-1310, Kjarehus classic bundle, Fusion Field, Nuclear Cranium, Vocaloid Cyber Diva
TTS Reader

= = = = = = = = = = = = =

2

Mud River
Scotch Whisky

HW:
DIY 'Swamp' D-std Strat guitar, Rocktron Chameleon, George Dennis Wah, Alesis solo tube pre, Shure beta58, H&K Tubemeister 5, Alesis Nanoverb, Electro Harmonix Soul Food, Freq-out pedal + Zoom MS60/b [non-wah lead gtr]
SW :
NI Bandstand, NI Battery, NI Massive, Trilogy, Glaceverb, Camel space, KeFir, LFX-1310, Kjarehus classic bundle, Fusion Field, Nuclear Cranium
TTS Reader

[Mister Natural]

https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/57086 ... ACspQlXg2P
https://soundcloud.com/mrnatural-1/0219 ... e-ad-music
this one starts out with the raw jingle - forgive my voice & imagine in the piece, a choir of girl singers an octave higher - I couldn't find any girl singers this month :=)
the piece is 30 second background muzak for a Super Bowl ad for a Natural Time Travel Machine
yes brother, "you can, you can go away"
LIVE10 environment
drumrack
sampler
tension
operator x 2
dim pro x 2
stratocaster
vocals > beta57a > tascam pre > daw
a bunch of efx on top of all of that
live native master chain
peace

[Jonny Quest]

This a good-natured parody. All words (except for intro) taken from public posts

instruments
VSL
and a microphone
made in cubase

https://soundcloud.com/jonny-632235726/i-am-done

thanks for listening

[beanpole]

Awful Offal
Butchers Pride presents the taste sensation that's sweeping the nation. Awful Offal, a cornucopia of edible organs and entrails that's so tasty it's selling like hot cakes. For those of a more sensitive disposition individual cuts are also available namely Krap Kidneys, Terrible Tongues, Bulls Balls & Lousy Lungs.



Coke
If drugs are legalised, multinational drinks companys diversify and their adverts are allowed on the radio this may be what you could hear.



The next three adverts were all taken from the hilarious Viz book Roger Mellie's Ad Break:-

Dadland
Visit Dadland for a great day out. You'll find us just off the M4, second on the right after the tree. Open Sundays 9:30am - 2:00pm. The hilarious Dad's Dinner Party takes place at 1. Watch the comical antics of the dads as they fight over who carves the roast.



Tyre Nails
Problems with your neighbours? Then use Tyre Nails, they do exactly what they say on the tin.



Flycard
For an initial outlay of only £500 you can turn your car into an autoplane. No experience or training required. Just insert the card, take to the air and beat the queues. We don't know how it works, it just does.



DAW
Tracktion 7

Instruments
Peavey electric guitar
Yamaha acoustic guitar
Cheap crappy ukelele
Shure SM 57 mic

Plug-Ins
Addictive Drums 2 & Keys
TDR Feedback Compressor & Nova
PhreePhuzz
TAL Reverb 2
Traction 4-Band EQ & Low/High Pass Filter
mdaEPiano
Sampletank 3
Dead Duck Gate & Filter
PG-8X
Synth 1
OldSkoolVerb
kHs Delay