New song I'd like some opinions on (revised version)

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an-electric-heart
KVRAF
1671 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 3:24 pm

https://soundcloud.com/anelectricheartm ... earts-heal

The old version's gone, so you can't compare side by side... you'll just need to judge this new version on it's own. This will only be up for a couple of days as it isn't "released" yet... I'm just showing you guys that I actually take your opinions on board. :hihi:

Fixes;

*Louder lead vocals (less delay effects and turned up a couple of D.Bs
*Less reverb (on toms and bass instruments)
*Hats turned down
*Re-recorded second verse
*Break-down completely changed (now a guitar solo)
Last edited by an-electric-heart on Sun Mar 03, 2019 5:41 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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wagtunes
KVRAF
14888 posts since 8 Oct, 2014

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 4:29 pm

My Feedback

Music - 10
Instruments - 10
Performance - 10
Mix - 10

Overall - 10

Comments: I don't normally like commenting on stuff that people tell me isn't done and needs to be "fixed" but then I realize talented people's "stuff that still needs fixing" is infinitely better than my finished tracks. I honestly don't know what problems you're having with this (obviously you're more critical than I am) but if I did stuff this good, I'd be banging on producer's and A&R people's doors until something finally took hold. So I can't really offer any constructive criticism other than don't be so hard on yourself.

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an-electric-heart
KVRAF
1671 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 4:54 pm

wagtunes wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 4:29 pm
My Feedback

Music - 10
Instruments - 10
Performance - 10
Mix - 10

Overall - 10

Comments: I don't normally like commenting on stuff that people tell me isn't done and needs to be "fixed" but then I realize talented people's "stuff that still needs fixing" is infinitely better than my finished tracks. I honestly don't know what problems you're having with this (obviously you're more critical than I am) but if I did stuff this good, I'd be banging on producer's and A&R people's doors until something finally took hold. So I can't really offer any constructive criticism other than don't be so hard on yourself.
Cheers! Top marks! :tu:

I don't need reassurance from here for every song... but in this case, I've been working on this song for a few months (not exclusively of course), and I've spent too much time with it and have gone a bit deaf to it. So at this point it's good to get a second opinion.
I'm not sure I'm feeling the second verse (I recorded that verse right before I uploaded it), I might record it again the intensity taken back a notch, so it's more like the first verse.

Cheers again. :D

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Bansaw
KVRist
474 posts since 19 Aug, 2008

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:25 pm

Excellent. @1:50 very nice lead sound.
Someone told me that a good song is the right mixture of making the listener feel familiar but also throwing in something unique. @0:35 was certainly a curve-ball but I think it worked.
Adding a female vocal harmony would add another dimension to it imho.
@3:22->3:59, the guitar arp stays the same. For me, I'd try and move that around.
@0:01->0:08 reminded me of ZZtop somehow, but that passed.
Feel strange giving feedback to someone who is more advanced than me, but I'm hoping to catch you up one day. ; )

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Frantz
KVRAF
5002 posts since 18 Jul, 2008 from New York

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:44 pm

The song is nice. It has a familiar 80s sound. The chorus melody is very good.

The mix is generally fuzzy and the vocals are hard to make out. I think the sections with echoing drums could be a lot clearer.

I don't like the section from 0:35-0:42. It seems like a forced attempt to introduce edginess.

The zap sound at 1:34 right before the chorus also seems out of place. Maybe tune it so it matches the next chord?

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an-electric-heart
KVRAF
1671 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:47 pm

Bansaw wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:25 pm
Excellent. @1:50 very nice lead sound.
Someone told me that a good song is the right mixture of making the listener feel familiar but also throwing in something unique. @0:35 was certainly a curve-ball but I think it worked.
Adding a female vocal harmony would add another dimension to it imho.
@3:22->3:59, the guitar arp stays the same. For me, I'd try and move that around.
@0:01->0:08 reminded me of ZZtop somehow, but that passed.
Feel strange giving feedback to someone who is more advanced than me, but I'm hoping to catch you up one day. ; )
I'll tell you what, I was kind of going for the vibe of Legs by ZZ Top with this one. :tu:
And yes, I agree, that guitar riff that goes from the break-down and right through to the last chorus, live I'll be playing that with a looper so I can keep that looping and go back to playing the power chords for the final chorus, I was thinking about not having that riff through the last chorus. I think it kind of just makes it so there's too much going on in the final chorus. I might make that lead guitar play a monotonous 'G' octave chord (like in the first chorus), that might work to thicken, but not over-complicate that section. Thanks, good feedback!

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an-electric-heart
KVRAF
1671 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:03 pm

Frantz wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:44 pm
The song is nice. It has a familiar 80s sound. The chorus melody is very good.

The mix is generally fuzzy and the vocals are hard to make out. I think the sections with echoing drums could be a lot clearer.

I don't like the section from 0:35-0:42. It seems like a forced attempt to introduce edginess.

The zap sound at 1:34 right before the chorus also seems out of place. Maybe tune it so it matches the next chord?
As far as the vocals go, yip, I chose a key that's funny for me, I can do it, it's comfortable, but when I listen to it back, I think "man, that's really low". If it was a bit higher I think they'd get through better, I'm mostly talking about the lead vocals in the chorus.

The section from :35, I get how you could think that, it does sound like a random "metal section", but yeah, I was just trying to be a bit progressive and throw something unexpected it. This one isn't meant to be a "pop song" it'll be something a bit different towards the end of the album.

Cheers for the feedback on the mix, I am still looking at it. Ta. :tu:

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Frantz
KVRAF
5002 posts since 18 Jul, 2008 from New York

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:08 pm

an-electric-heart wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:03 pm
As far as the vocals go, yip, I chose a key that's funny for me, I can do it, it's comfortable, but when I listen to it back, I think "man, that's really low".
I wasn't suggesting that you chose the wrong key for the vocals. I was saying it is hard to make out the words.

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an-electric-heart
KVRAF
1671 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:53 pm

Frantz wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:08 pm
an-electric-heart wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:03 pm
As far as the vocals go, yip, I chose a key that's funny for me, I can do it, it's comfortable, but when I listen to it back, I think "man, that's really low".
I wasn't suggesting that you chose the wrong key for the vocals. I was saying it is hard to make out the words.
Oh right. It's possibly my accent. :oops:

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Frantz
KVRAF
5002 posts since 18 Jul, 2008 from New York

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 7:10 pm

an-electric-heart wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:53 pm
Oh right. It's possibly my accent. :oops:
No problems at all with the accent. I understand the words fine if I really concentrate. I am saying the words are getting a little lost in the mix.

sjm
KVRAF
1774 posts since 17 Apr, 2004

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 7:15 pm

I personally liked the sudden change to something a bit different at 0:35. For me it worked. Pretty sure that's a taste thing. It's reminiscent of the Pet Shop Boys' "Can You Forgive Her" which does something very similar ("childish, so childish").

Sounds too modern to my ears to really evoke the 80s. I'm hearing more of a very late 90s to mid 00s influence in the general sound; the instrumentation less so.

To my ear, the vocals in the chorus in particular are not quite loud enough and sound a bit muffled or somehow restricted. They really should be opening up here. It is possible - I didn't listen that closely - that your mix is just a little too hot and that's why you don't have room for the vocals to break out.

That's not to say the mix sounds bad or anything; just that there's a few parts that could be polished. Remember that you already know the lyrics, so try and listen to the actual sound of the voice, rather than to the words. Detatching yourself from the semantic element, and focussing on the sound itself can be a good way to determine whether the vocals are really where they should be. Otherwise you'll be second guessing yourself with the lyrics in your head, and gaining a skewed picture of what is really happening.
Voted KVR's resident drunk Robert Smith impersonator (thanks Frantz!)

elassi
KVRAF
2143 posts since 8 Sep, 2009

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 8:35 pm

Probably too much (too long) reverb on the vocals. Maybe try a shorter reverb or reduce the wet signal. This usually brings the vocals to front.

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an-electric-heart
KVRAF
1671 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 8:55 pm

Cool. Needing clearer vocals is a common theme here, so I've started tweaking them. I've pulled back the reverb and delay on the lead vocal track (there's plate reverb and slap-back delay, that combined might just sound like too much ambience), and turned it up a couple of db... and yeah, I'm not liking the second verse one bit. I'll record it again to be more like the first verse.

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Wopelka
KVRAF
3196 posts since 22 Sep, 2003 from under the sun

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 9:24 pm

I really like the song and have no useful comment to make. Or maybe this:To my hear, the overall sound is a bit too compressed, pan-centered, and maybe wetted in too much global reverb, giving the impression of a kind of distant wall of sound, if you know what I mean. I'd like to be closer and to feel the depth of the soundfield, if it means anything. That said, it's a great track.

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an-electric-heart
KVRAF
1671 posts since 13 Jun, 2008 from Napier,New Zealand

Re: New song I'd like some opinions on

Post Sun Feb 17, 2019 11:04 pm

Wopelka wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 9:24 pm
I really like the song and have no useful comment to make. Or maybe this:To my hear, the overall sound is a bit too compressed, pan-centered, and maybe wetted in too much global reverb, giving the impression of a kind of distant wall of sound, if you know what I mean. I'd like to be closer and to feel the depth of the soundfield, if it means anything. That said, it's a great track.
"Too much reverb" is a common comment for all my songs... I'm guess I just listen to too much '80s music :hihi: . And interesting about the width too, I been told that before too, but unless you're talking about widening the mix at the mastering stage, I don't thing anything really can further out. And as far as compression, this whole album's going to be quieter (limiting-wise) than my last one. I really feel I've been quite conservative with the mastering... but then again, someone else also mentioned that further up. :hihi:

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