KVR Audio

sfd · Post by **sfd** » Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:18 pm

Here it is. The kvr boyz ultimate guide to success.

Required ingredients:

* One bloke. Preferable age 18 - 25.

* One oversized u-he t-shirt - black.

* Chair.

* A computer.

* A bunch of girls.

* Headphones.

* A trash bin.

* A KVR account.

* A DAW. Preferable FL Studio.

* No less then 100 VST synths. Absolutely necessary are: Dune, Serum, Spire, Omnisphere, Sylenth, Diva and Zebra.

* No less then 200 VST effects.

* All manuals for the above plug-ins.

* A 6 pack of beer.

* two bags of chips.

* A MIDI controller keyboard

* Condoms.

* Sunglasses.

And here's the recipe:

1. Put oversized t-short on bloke.

2. Put bloke on char.

3. Put headphones on bloke.

4. Turn up the volume to anything above 12 o clock.

5. Open computer.

6. Sign in to KVR with account.

7. Create new post and brag about VST collection.

8. open first chips bag and put a big load of chips in mouth.

9. Chew.

10. Open DAW.

11. Put manuals in trash bin.

12. Load a 8 minute four-for-the-floor kick loop.

13. Increase the volume.

14. Have another big load of chips.

15. Open a new track and load it with Dune, Serum or Spire.

16. Pick a sequenced preset.

17. Hit one of the white keys on the MIDI controller. ( Black keys are only for advanced users.)

18. Hit the record button and hold down the key on the controller for 8 minutes.

19. Increase the volume.

20. Take another big load of chips.

21. Chew.

22. Load the master bus with a dozen compressors.

23. Pull the gain to max.

24. Increase the volume.

25. Put the chips bag to mouth and sweep what's left.

26. Chew.

27. Increase the volume.

28. Render track.

29. Put sunglasses on.

30. Attend school party.

31. open second bag of chips and give to girls.

32. Be generous with beer.

33. Play track LOUD.

34. Practice safe sex.

thecontrolcentre · Post by **thecontrolcentre** » Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:28 pm

Tj Shredder · Post by **Tj Shredder** » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:15 pm

Last point doesn‘t work, all girls are gone. Unless you call watching youporn safe sex. It doesn‘t infect your body sure, but it might infect your computer...

reusenoise · Post by **reusenoise** » Mon Mar 04, 2019 3:36 pm

Point 34 only if you are a rock singer or guitarist, better both

mellotronaut · Post by **mellotronaut** » Mon Mar 04, 2019 3:56 pm

4 from Urs' perspective

34 healthier version

jancivil · Post by **jancivil** » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:01 pm

34. with himself, definitely safe

Deep Purple · Post by **Deep Purple** » Wed Mar 06, 2019 1:22 am

Bullet point #5 in the requirements is probably impossible to source for the person you described...

Zombie Queen · Post by **Zombie Queen** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 1:50 pm

And what does the bunch of girls do?

vurt · Post by **vurt** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 2:23 pm

not go home with the 44 year old bloke who still eats chips as one of his 5 a day fruit and veg and still lives in his moms basement.

Deep Purple · Post by **Deep Purple** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:20 pm

vurt wrote: Fri Mar 08, 2019 2:23 pm not go home with the 44 year old bloke who still eats chips as one of his 5 a day fruit and veg and still lives in his moms basement.

Unless they really want to appear on the side of a milk carton....

vurt · Post by **vurt** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:22 pm

hey ladies, i can make you famous....

/sharpens knife.

el-bo (formerly ebow) · Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:26 pm

vurt wrote: Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:22 pm

vurt · Post by **vurt** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:33 pm

yeah that films about me going down in glory hole.
but they changed it a bit as they thought it would market better ::shrug:

el-bo (formerly ebow) · Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:41 pm

vurt wrote: Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:33 pm yeah that films about me going down in glory hole.
but they changed it a bit as they thought it would market better ::shrug:

vurt · Post by **vurt** » Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:59 pm

obviously, its "a" glory hole.
my englanderpseak is treble.

KVR BOYZ ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SUCCESS