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handoman · Post by **handoman** » Mon Jan 04, 2021 5:09 am

Ok 2020 was horrible. Covid happened and i spiraled into depression and drinking alcohol. but i did finally gain the confidence to start using my voice in my music. i hated it at first, but now i am ok with hearing myself sing. i made a bunch of new music and added vocals to old stuff.

I have never been a confident guy. but when it comes to music i actually am. like i see no objectivity and it is all subjective. I show people my music and am so proud of it. but literally don't take any criticism or advice. like it doesn't effect me. i feel cocky when it comes to why music and its a weird feeling cuz I'm not like that in every day life. I started to realize i am very self center and narcissistic. like i really don't care about other peoples music or even try to listen to any new music anymore.

i realize i make music to try and get myself high and feel good. nothing else matters. no one else matters. its all about me. and its ok. I'm not tryna make money. it is all purely for myself and it feels crazy. idk i just been thinking about this a lot lately lol

c_bomb · Post by **c_bomb** » Mon Jan 04, 2021 6:31 am

lobanov · Post by **lobanov** » Mon Jan 04, 2021 6:34 am

Have you heard about music therapy? I think you just use music this way. There is nothing wrong in this.

One day this will be changing. May be it is changing right now as you are talking about this.

EDIT: You are not a pure narcissist as you are aware of your feelings and behavior and you are able to keep distance from them ("criticize" them).

BONES · Post by **BONES** » Mon Jan 04, 2021 7:13 am

handoman wrote: Mon Jan 04, 2021 5:09 amOk 2020 was horrible.

Why? How did Covid make it so bad? I hardly noticed any difference.

I have never been a confident guy. but when it comes to music i actually am. like i see no objectivity and it is all subjective. I show people my music and am so proud of it.

If you don't care, why show anyone? Everyone knows I make music but none of my friends or colleagues or family ever listen to it. None of them have ever been to experience a gig or anything else, all of which I am perfectly happy with. If anyone has ever shown any curiosity, I've pointed them to Amazon or Spotify so they can listen to it when I'm not around and I've never asked any of them for feedback (and none of them have ever offered any). I don't go looking for reviews of our albums, although when my bandmate sends me a link, I do read them.

I started to realize i am very self center and narcissistic. like i really don't care about other peoples music or even try to listen to any new music anymore. i realize i make music to try and get myself high and feel good. nothing else matters. no one else matters. its all about me. and its ok. I'm not tryna make money. it is all purely for myself and it feels crazy.

Now that is weird because I am listening to your music while I type this and I spend at least a couple of hours a day listening to other people's music. I make music because I love music and want to be part of it. The only part of the process I actually enjoy is getting up on stage and smashing out a set. The rest of it is boring, hard work but if it gets us more shows, I am happy to put up with it.

Getting up on stage and screaming your lungs out at an audience requires a definite level of arrogance that would get you punched in your stupid face in other situations but it doesn't feel self-centered to me. Yes, it is all about self but that's because it's art.

For me it is definitely not about being self-centered or narcissistic. Quite the opposite, I 've always worked under a band name and avoid anything being about me specifically. We've only had our photos on one album sleeve out of 5 and that's more than enough as far as I'm concerned. I want it to be about our music, not about me (or us). I do realise that an audience will want to personalize it but I try to avoid that as far as possible. It is completely and utterly about the music and nothing else.

Passing Bye · Post by **Passing Bye** » Mon Jan 04, 2021 7:36 am

That doesn't make you self centered or narcissistic, you just found and established genuine reason to make music, IMO much better than doing it for money, putting up with narcissistic and clueless customers and trying to please everybody except yourself, feeling miserable in the end of the day and trough most of your time.

If your music doesn't make you high and happy, it's not good music, period.

I went trough the same thing as you, being doing music professionally and whole that pressure and nothingness dropped me in depression, I erased all hard drives, projects and just stopped making and listening to music, found real joy and peace with myself, than come back to it and just started making music I actually have and feel inside myself, for my own pleasure, without trying to please anybody, without trying to market it anywhere, without worrying about anything but the precious moment of creation... I felt divine and made some of the best music in my life.

I'm still doing the same, few years after, I'm even making money with some of that music, but I work on my own terms, you don't like it, don't take it, I'm not making anything on order, only thing I can change is order of some elements, but don't take any criticism, I sit down and make music I feel and want, music that gives me chills, that disconnects me from this world...

So long story short, you are in good place, you gonna make best music of your life and you will find genuine people that enjoy in what you do, life is awesome!

handoman · Post by **handoman** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 4:02 am

thanks for the replies guys. yea i am just going through some self reflection. rn i really don't have friends, with cover i can't really hang with poeple. i work in customer service so i show my coworkers my music. but i realize i just love my own music lol i feel cocky about it but i guesss its ok

handoman · Post by **handoman** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 4:04 am

"If you don't care, why show anyone?"
this, i think because i feel so good listening to my music, i want other people to feel it, you know?

AnX · Post by **AnX** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:13 pm

if you want narcissicm in music, just listen to a few rap/hippity hop/rnb tunes, they are so forgetful they keep saying their own names in the tracks..... piffle

vurt · Post by **vurt** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:19 pm

AnX wrote: Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:13 pm if you want narcissicm in music, just listen to a few rap/hippity hop/rnb tunes, they are so forgetful they keep saying their own names in the tracks..... piffle

is that narcissistic or a fear of dementia?

what my motherfucking name??
where the f**k do i live?
are those my feet?
rpt to fade.

AnX · Post by **AnX** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:20 pm

how did I get here
is this my beautiful wife.....

chagzuki · Post by **chagzuki** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:27 pm

Musical and artistic styles are all subgenres of the broader category of Narcissism.

I don't really believe that btw. Well, sort of.

vurt · Post by **vurt** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:41 pm

narcissism is a destructive nature.
if you're willing to shit in someonex face just to get yourself ahead, youre probably a narcissist.
if you just like what you do and want to share it, im not sure that's the same thing.

but, do you share because you think people will like the music? or because you want colleagues to know the joy that music creation gives you?
maybe you are looking to inspire others to find a creative joy in their own lives?

chk071 · Post by **chk071** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:42 pm

Many narcissists in music making...

AnX · Post by **AnX** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:45 pm

chk071 wrote: Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:42 pm Many narcissists in every walk of life

FTFY

AnX · Post by **AnX** » Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:47 pm

Narcissism in Music Making