I Hate The Sound Of Synths

[Torchlight]

Is it only the sound of synths that makes you feel that way or the sound of acoustic instruments too? And only when you are playing them or also just listening to them being played by others?

[THE INTRANCER]

Is it only the sound of synths that makes you feel that way or the sound of acoustic instruments too? And only when you are playing them or also just listening to them being played by others?

Playing synths feels repulsive and sad because what you play is reflected back at you in an audial way. When you play, you reflect the emotions you have as a living entity. Your mind doesn't want you to enjoy the sound of what you create as it doesn't want you to be happy. It really doesn't matter if the instruments are acoustic or not. Listening to music is generally an emotionless / sterile feeling one has... It's hard to enjoy as how you used to listen to it, and it can upset you as you associate things from your past to it. Music in general though can divert your thoughts away from thoughts that play on your mind however. Depression simply robs everything you enjoy away...and makes for a really dark oppressive vision of life each day.

There are reasons for all this... but I'm no really at ease in posting them, as they are pretty personal.

Things I've been experiencing.
Anxiety
Isolation
Low mood
Insomnia
Headaches / Migraines
Extreme tiredness
Mental fatigue - takes longer to form messages
Nightmares - Hallucinations in dreams when waking, voices in dreams when waking.
Disruptive sleep patterns
Flashbacks (Replaying the past constantly each day)
Other physical effects
Sensitivity to light
Daily thoughts of suicide - because it's a way out
Self harm - Having very hot baths ( not scolding hot though )

Lost half a stone in two weeks in January - Not healthy as I'm rather slim.
----------

It's all pretty much like living a trauma each day but trying to keep it suppressed but you can't, and that' why I talk so much to people. I keep a daily log on my FB page, to exercise my thoughts which sometimes comes out in poetry...and even stories I've created to divert the constant chatter that I've had back in January.

This is one story...

A Story Of Reflection...

I looked at the sky, it was blue with white wispy clouds, whilst a river flowed to the right of me, besides the hilly woodland and sea shore below. The wind was blowing quite strong, though I wasn't sure for how long, as I was asleep in a tent I had put up. A blue and orange tent it was. It was a magical tent with a smell of fresh grass and had the odd forky tail that wanted to make his home there. Beside the tent was yellow boat with oars inside. It had been there a long time, unable to be moved with it being so long and heavy. Through the forest was a rail track, where you could feel the ground tremble under your feet as the trains went past and you could hear the horns echo as the sound bounced off the tree's. It was cold as I stood beside the tent, but I did have a friend. My dog, he was golden and the most amazing animal who got me through times of turmoil and that of who I could hug whilst shedding a few tears and that no matter what, he looked at you with so much love in his eyes as if you were the most important thing to him in the world, where there is known one else in sight for miles around. Looking into his eyes and how he held his head, he could feel just how you were feeling and the joy when you threw a stick for him in which he always brought back to you to throw again whether that meant into the sea or onto the sand dunes, where he would lose himself, for all but the call I gave out. Watching him bound down the sand dune verge with his stick or without one if he had been chasing a rabbit for fun. In the past he did his own thing and got lost, only to be found at a vets some miles away and each day I went out on my bike to try and find him, shouting for him through the forest trail road with nothing ever appearing through the tree's as he once did. I cried each night he was gone but he did come back... I sit down on the sand, I can smell the pine of the tree's and think about the happy memories, letting the sand trickle through my hands... time is forever moving forward. Even in the still of the night, looking to the stars in the sky with my fellow friend who sat beside me. We fall through space, but what is space, and what is time whist the future is space I wonder to myself in the dark of the night.... Why am I here as the world spins around and around these objects in the sky, is something I asked myself many times... on a hill with my dog... Passing each second, each minute, each hour, each day and year... Perception of time, living the moment and contemplating how to move on... when there's light that builds from a horizon, the sky will be many colours... for thou one can not change the past but choose the memories that make you feel at peace.... We are human... our reality is unique to each and everyone of us, we can only go forward...as we live in the space of our mind and body in harmony.....

It was a new day, it had been raining the night before with a cold wind blowing through the tiny gaps in the tent I was in, so sleeping wasn't easy and I had woken up a few times. With that, I slept into the afternoon whilst the sun was shining in the morning, but I was warm and mostly rested. By this time though, it had once again turned cold with days so short. In the distance there was an old town that had long been deserted but was still illuminated vie the street lights, so in the darkness and the moon looking as if it was moving through the clouds and the sea glistening as the waves rolled over, I made my way to the edge of the slope. Walking up with my companion beside me, I realised that I was more tired than I had been before. It was then that I realised that I couldn't go very far and that I had not eaten enough that day. Looking into the eyes of my dog who sat patiently waiting for me to continue, I held him close to keep ourselves warm in the cold breeze. On the side of the hill were a few caravans, with one sitting empty and with it's door open. Knowone was around here either, everyone had gone. There was a bed, a cooker and a few chairs and so I sat down. I noticed that there was some food in a few packets, a few tins and also milk in a fridge which was still working. It was time to make something to fill the space. In the cupboard I found a box of cereal which seemed like a good option and had some of that as I lay on the bed with warm covers over me and a candle light in the corner which shimmered next to the window. My dog found place to rest his head on my leg and so stroked him as he closed his eyes, thinking of the days we played together. For me, I didn't know what the next day would be like for him... or our minds. What would we be dreaming about... and hoping he would still be there to hug for another day and not gone away as he did before. The candle is getting dimmer...but tomorrow is a new day and maybe a new journey to take one's self in the natural world of nature, to smell the wild flowers and watch the seagulls and rabbits play...

[Unaspected]

Whilst we can say that an increased level of serotonin can enhance our experience of listening to music, the inverse is equally true. Though you may be having the worst time that you think you can experience right now, those depressive thoughts are chemically induced - as with all extreme depressive thought - getting back to whatever your baseline or normal is will be a matter of re-establishing chemical balance.

Though it does sound like healthcare professionals are aware of your issues so I would presume you are seeing a doctor. This wouldn't be the only course of action but if you are severely lacking energy then it might be the least exhausting.

I don't know if the story is just that, part reality or an actual happening but it seems to feature cycles a lot: Your dog playing fetch; subsequently getting lost; the metaphorical winter without your dog; then the sunshine that your golden dog represents when he is found again.

You do seem very aware of the need for everything to go through such processes; to oscillate. Maybe that is even part of why you are adverse to synths right now; the notion of an oscillator and you having any control over it might induce a realisation of lack of control over the grand oscillator that is the seasons.

The other correlation between your symptoms and the story might suggest lack of nutrition. This can be one of the first things to go when we neglect ourselves - not to mention how hard it is to take care of oneself when energy is lacking. It might seem like a simple thing but you will need to consume the right substances in order for your body to start balancing itself again. It's also extremely difficult for people in the north to get enough vitamin D without supplementation and the magnesium (found in milk and various other sources) required to absorb it (otherwise we get headaches). Calcium is also vital for energy levels in the body.

Also, I must stress that this isn't your fault. It's a natural response to whatever conditions you have been through. It is possible to find balance again - though I know that might sound improbable right now, it is not impossible. I wish for you the strength to get through this. There is an outside to the tunnel or a top of the pit. There is sunshine to be seen and felt again.

[arkmabat]

People are going to shun me for this, but I believe that depression can stem from fried dopamine receptors and by giving them a break, our body can learn to enjoy things which we have become annoyed with. Of course, with no dopamine at all, we couldn't function, but that's like telling an American to make sure they get enough salt in their diet. Synths aren't physical instruments, especially software ones, and our body knows this to some degree. Turn off the computer. Turn off the television. Turn off the radio. Hell, switch off your home's main circuit breaker. Quarantine all added sugars, soda, alcohol, unnecessary medications (Exedrin, pain killers), etc. Do this for two weeks. The end of week one will feel like hell in a handbasket. You will want to scream for no reason. You will be highly unstable. After two weeks, things should feel better. Good luck.

[codec_spurt]

lkjh

[Hink]

Is it only the sound of synths that makes you feel that way or the sound of acoustic instruments too? And only when you are playing them or also just listening to them being played by others?

Playing synths feels repulsive and sad because what you play is reflected back at you in an audial way. When you play, you reflect the emotions you have as a living entity. Your mind doesn't want you to enjoy the sound of what you create as it doesn't want you to be happy. It really doesn't matter if the instruments are acoustic or not. Listening to music is generally an emotionless / sterile feeling one has... It's hard to enjoy as how you used to listen to it, and it can upset you as you associate things from your past to it. Music in general though can divert your thoughts away from thoughts that play on your mind however. Depression simply robs everything you enjoy away...and makes for a really dark oppressive vision of life each day.

There are reasons for all this... but I'm no really at ease in posting them, as they are pretty personal.

Things I've been experiencing.
Anxiety
Isolation
Low mood
Insomnia
Headaches / Migraines
Extreme tiredness
Mental fatigue - takes longer to form messages
Nightmares - Hallucinations in dreams when waking, voices in dreams when waking.
Disruptive sleep patterns
Flashbacks (Replaying the past constantly each day)
Other physical effects
Sensitivity to light
Daily thoughts of suicide - because it's a way out
Self harm - Having very hot baths ( not scolding hot though )

Lost half a stone in two weeks in January - Not healthy as I'm rather slim.
----------

It's all pretty much like living a trauma each day but trying to keep it suppressed but you can't, and that' why I talk so much to people. I keep a daily log on my FB page, to exercise my thoughts which sometimes comes out in poetry...and even stories I've created to divert the constant chatter that I've had back in January.

I dont want to pry into your reasons Scott, but is part of your history trauma? You say it's like living a trauma everyday

FTR the hot baths may actually be a sensory thing, my son does this...he calls it mermanning but if you ask me mermate makes more sense.

[THE INTRANCER]

I dont want to pry into your reasons Scott, but is part of your history trauma? You say it's like living a trauma everyday

FTR the hot baths may actually be a sensory thing, my son does this...he calls it mermanning but if you ask me mermate makes more sense.

I say trauma as in an illness that simply won't go away and subject's me to the state of mind I'm now at. What's happening now is that my mind is in a constant loop each day, playing back events I can't change. It's pretty much like psychosis and depression rolled into one. My life has had aspects of trauma in it so they are separate things but still interlinked in some way.

[fedexnman]

Hope you get feeling better soon .

[Hink]

I dont want to pry into your reasons Scott, but is part of your history trauma? You say it's like living a trauma everyday

FTR the hot baths may actually be a sensory thing, my son does this...he calls it mermanning but if you ask me mermate makes more sense.

I say trauma as in an illness that simply won't go away and subject's me to the state of mind I'm now at. What's happening now is that my mind is in a constant loop each day, playing back events I can't change. It's pretty much like psychosis and depression rolled into one. My life has had aspects of trauma in it so they are separate things but still interlinked in some way.

Thank you, I wont say see a dr or therapist because you are seeing a doctor but I do hope he/she puts you on the right path (for me it was CBT cognitive behavior therapy, but different for everyone of course), I do get the constant loop thing tbh. I can tell you what has helped me, and as you see plenty others here feel the same way, you always have friends here. I may not be visible all the time, but I am here many times a day so please keep that in mind.

I appreciate you Scott, you put a lot of time into your graphic work and I get the passion and you put a lot of time into your posts here. TY

[lpr]

I've been thinking about your post in the recent days since commenting. I do have come to my musical philosophical conclusion I too hate synths. I'm in the process of selling off my synths off. They remind me of an old bastard wailing. I'm sick of it. I hate synth based music and have for most of my child and adult life. I always loathed hearing EDM and such. Stupid stabbing synths. The only synths I can really stand are bass synths and barely.

[mladi]

Synths are equal to acoustic instruments in some ways even better but you have to invest plenty of time to develop the necessary skills. I don't speak about virtual instruments just to make it clear.

[jancivil]

in all probability there is no synth patch which gives a top grade grand piano in a nice hall, or all kinds of things from acoustics and instrument behaviors. The goal is always to get close, in modeling or samples, which should indicate something. I really don't think someone will come from a life of playing real instruments and that's the takeaway.
Not equal in myriad ways, and equal is a false goalpost anyway, argument to 'the orange is equal to the apple'

[mladi]

in all probability there is no synth patch which gives a top grade grand piano in a nice hall, or all kinds of things from acoustics and instrument behaviors. The goal is always to get close, in modeling or samples, which should indicate something. I really don't think someone will come from a life of playing real instruments and that's the takeaway.
Not equal in myriad ways, and equal is a false goalpost anyway, argument to 'the orange is equal to the apple'

You don't understand what i said and your conclusions about synthesizers and what the goal is are laughable at best.

I play the piano and i play synthesizers and they are equal instruments just the synths need electricity and electricity is not natural for you?

Vangelis needs no introduction maybe you read this interview about how he think about the equality of acoustic and electronic instruments:

https://www.soundonsound.com/people/vangelis

[jancivil]

- rather a big pet peeve or something for me. Lot of people [here] don't know except from synths, but they'll argue like that. It's insecurity, it's not oriented in the actual world. Synth drums do not compete with the rich sound fabric of real drums, the stuff coming off an instrument that produces enough energy to bounce sound off of walls may be modeled or sampled, to come close to being equal, but...
It's unsupportable opinion. One may prefer the former, but equal, hard no.

There is no way an experience with plastic keys and turning knobs is equal to the touch of a real player playing instruments like guitar or violin or a horn or... ad infin.
Instrumentation is horses for courses. By the same token there are things a super-complex beast like Absynth gives that cannot be sussed except in that. There are times I chose a synth patch for an electric piano instead of something 'realer' because the idea was something colder.

[THE INTRANCER]

Thank you, I wont say see a dr or therapist because you are seeing a doctor but I do hope he/she puts you on the right path (for me it was CBT cognitive behavior therapy, but different for everyone of course), I do get the constant loop thing tbh. I can tell you what has helped me, and as you see plenty others here feel the same way, you always have friends here. I may not be visible all the time, but I am here many times a day so please keep that in mind.

I appreciate you Scott, you put a lot of time into your graphic work and I get the passion and you put a lot of time into your posts here. TY

Thanks Hink, for me I'm in the darkest period of my life... my brain feels like it's been damaged physically as if I had been hit over the head with a baseball bat months ago. It's been so debilitating that I've not been able to do any graphics work, other than for a couple of videos I made. Constructing my thoughts is harder, that's why I rarely post now.

Honestly, if I died tomorrow, it really wouldn't make much difference to me.