SUBscription

International Joke Day 2023:

• Create powerful, characterful bass sounds.
• Unique and exceptionally high IQ text synthesis technique.
• Reasonable subscription models (we retain the right to withdraw "ownership" at any moment).
• Unequivocally superior, requires no review.
• Can't resell or transfer subscriptions (we know what's best, you can't be trusted).

Details:

• SUBscription: Upon entering a subscription code into our brand new text-to-synthesis engine, you are entering an unbreakable DWTD* agreement with us. Monthly pay installments may range from 0 - 4999.99 dependant on your personal success.
• Text Synthesis: Create characterful wave shapes using our experimental new text-to-synthesis technique. We have copyrighted every possible character combination (subscription code) thus we will be claiming up to 50% of your royalties. Just like any SUBscription, you will own nothing and be grateful.
• Drive & Dirt: Boost the ever loving **** out of the synth with some crispy drive. Use the Dirt knob's Rate modulation to thicken and filth up your tracks with noisy textures. Make it hot and sweaty, inspired by you looking at your monthly subscription costs.
• Filter: Carve your frequencies out with the 12dB/oct low-pass ladder filter. Much like the filter, we too will be filtering out any bug reports, requests or errors - our time is far more important.
• Modulation: Add movement to your sounds with 2 envelopes, 2 LFO's & 4 expression controls which are assignable to nearly every parameter. Unlike the fluid nature of modulation, we stand firm in our decision to go subscription only - you just wouldn't get it, peasant.
• Product Aftercare: If you need support via email you'll have to buy the additional update & support plan with prices based on how seriously people take you online, however please be advised that every request increases the cost by 10%. Update plan not included.

If you have any critical feedback whatsoever, we will not just be angry with you; we will be astonishingly disappointed in you and may seek counsel on methods of retribution.

THIS. IS. A. JOKE.

* deal with the devil