Toyphonic Micraliser

Introducing the Toyphonic Micraliser for International Joke Day 2025:

• Ultra-realistic, Precision Tuned, Apex Mic Modelling.
• If your singing sounds like a dying cat, this finally kills the cat.
• Why waste a good mic on those vocals? Use this and keep expectations low.
• Built for the future-fails in the present.

Impulse Responses

Transform your music into something only a toddler could appreciate via the painstakingly captured, isolated mic & speaker Impulse Responses - perfect for those of you who musically peaked at nursery rhymes.

Envelope

Curve, sculpt and inappropriately touch the behavioural qualities of the Impulse Response via the attack and decay controls, just don't overdo it you brute.

Quality

We hand-crafted a musical, beastly quality control to exacerbate and crush the effects of the IRs which is very much needed to help you truly understand our genius, especially now that after years of blasting music through your ******* you've left your ears heroically useless.

Presets

15 'ethically' locally sourced, organic presets so your AI-reliant selves don't have to think beyond the blinking and breathing part of your day. We even blessed you with a randomise button which is like infinite presets, how kind are we?

Make Movey Things

Embrace change grandpa, employ the service of modulation via the LFO, Sequencer & Envelope Follower to keep things moving, just because your music is flat and boring doesn't mean the automation has to be too.

Product Aftercare

We cannot be held liable for any personal threats or harm you may encounter upon being encouraged to sing into the Toyphonic Micraliser, you should have known better you silly sausage.

If you have any critical feedback whatsoever, we will not just be angry with you; we will be astonishingly disappointed in you and may seek counsel on methods of retribution.

THIS. IS. A. JOKE.