I Hate The Sound Of Synths

Anything about MUSIC but doesn't fit into the forums above.
Rad Grandad
33182 posts since 6 Sep, 2003 from Downeast Maine

Post Mon Apr 19, 2021 1:38 pm

THE INTRANCER wrote:
Mon Apr 19, 2021 1:02 pm
Hink wrote:
Sat Apr 17, 2021 6:44 pm
Thank you, I wont say see a dr or therapist because you are seeing a doctor but I do hope he/she puts you on the right path (for me it was CBT cognitive behavior therapy, but different for everyone of course), I do get the constant loop thing tbh. I can tell you what has helped me, and as you see plenty others here feel the same way, you always have friends here. I may not be visible all the time, but I am here many times a day so please keep that in mind.

I appreciate you Scott, you put a lot of time into your graphic work and I get the passion and you put a lot of time into your posts here. TY :)
Thanks Hink, for me I'm in the darkest period of my life... my brain feels like it's been damaged physically as if I had been hit over the head with a baseball bat months ago. It's been so debilitating that I've not been able to do any graphics work, other than for a couple of videos I made. Constructing my thoughts is harder, that's why I rarely post now.

Honestly, if I died tomorrow, it really wouldn't make much difference to me.
but it would for others :hug:

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KVRist
175 posts since 4 Feb, 2021

Post Wed Apr 21, 2021 11:54 pm

n/m. Not sure this story would be of any help, so deleted again.
Tribe Of Hǫfuð https://soundcloud.com/user-228690154 Karma, MC909, Microkorg, MU100R/VL70 w. BC1, Nord Lead 2, Polivoks, Prophecy, WSA-1, Mac Pro w. Reason 11 Suite + Nektar P4 + Nektar Impact LX25+.

KVRAF

Topic Starter

1740 posts since 30 Dec, 2014

Post Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:06 pm

TribeOfHǫfuð wrote:
Sat Apr 17, 2021 1:23 am
Haven't we all been there or at least close? Musicians are emotional and sensitive people more than hardheaded and cold. You are not alone, and you have a lot of firends who will sympatize when they read this even if you do not know them. You are not only talking about yourself, but us. If people are human at all, they will know that your fight is a shared fight and share their compassion and understanding. It looks like just another thread, but it can be way more, a source of strenght because you will know that you have understanding and support from souls out there. May Odin give you strength and wisdom in your battle. If you win it, you win a tiny bit for all of us. Maybe enough the give the next guy in line a kick forward.

All the best
Gothi
ToH
Thanks...it's always nice to read such comments...

I have had another difficult day with having a nauseating headache ect... so have rested for much of it and deciding to give my legs a break from the cycling for the first time in weeks.
THE INTRANCER - KVR S1-Thread | The Intrancersonic-Design Source Transcend Into Software - Hardware - Music - 2D & 3D Art - Film - Games - VST's - Ensembles - GUI Design - Science & Technology | Soundcloud 28 | Soundclick 16

KVRAF

Topic Starter

1740 posts since 30 Dec, 2014

Post Thu Apr 22, 2021 3:47 pm

There is a video which does actually lift me. The main lead singer Dave Gahan actually attempted suicide a few times... I guess... there is some sort of intrinsic connection beyond that of the music I can relate to. For the past four and half months, practically every day, I have thought about the ways in which I could end things. Depression for me, for which I am taking no medication for, is f-ing brutal.... one day I'll have the courage to end it all, and my family will understand, if I don't have an anurism first....

https://youtu.be/-_3dc6X-Iwo
THE INTRANCER - KVR S1-Thread | The Intrancersonic-Design Source Transcend Into Software - Hardware - Music - 2D & 3D Art - Film - Games - VST's - Ensembles - GUI Design - Science & Technology | Soundcloud 28 | Soundclick 16

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KVRist
175 posts since 4 Feb, 2021

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 1:43 am

THE INTRANCER wrote:
Thu Apr 22, 2021 3:47 pm
one day I'll have the courage to end it all, and my family will understand, if I don't have an anurism first....
That is a very dark and sad statement, and I sure think that your family would miss you and have to live with great sorrow for the rest of their lives. I think you should continue searching for music or art like the above, which can make you see your pain in others and make you understand that the pain does not isolate you from people, but actually brings you closer to them. Eventually, you could gather the strenght to express the pain in your own art and see it is a source of inspiration too. Darkness too can empower your creative I, which probably is a core of your identity, which you feel is out of reach for the moment. Find it and take strenght from it. Make it a weapon against the shite. Let it take the time it takes, but do not give up, man.
Tribe Of Hǫfuð https://soundcloud.com/user-228690154 Karma, MC909, Microkorg, MU100R/VL70 w. BC1, Nord Lead 2, Polivoks, Prophecy, WSA-1, Mac Pro w. Reason 11 Suite + Nektar P4 + Nektar Impact LX25+.

KVRAF
28064 posts since 11 Apr, 2010 from Germany

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 1:52 am

codec_spurt wrote:
Fri Apr 16, 2021 12:48 pm
Sincerely, it's probably not best looking for advise for mental health problems on a music forum.
Basically this (remove the "music forum", and replace it with "any forum"). Also, get professional help, and don't refuse medication. Anything else won't help you at all.

Coming from someone who has been suffering from depression, and social anxiety for... well... his whole life really. I won't lie though, the symptoms and the course can be as different as it can get. I met people who have had short severe depressive periods, followed by periods where they felt well. I rather have the kind of depression which is not as severe, but which is very long-lasting. I also see no end coming, regardless of medication or therapy. I feel like I have to life with it. It's also a family thing. Several cases in my family, including both of my parents.

Hope you'll be well, but, posting about it on internet forums is definitely the wrong solution. It won't help you, I promise that. Go to people who actually know what they're doing. And, even then, it might take a whike until you found someone who can really help you.
Plugins and a DAW. On an operating system. Which runs on a computer.

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Beware the Quoth
29370 posts since 4 Sep, 2001 from R'lyeh Oceanic Amusement Park and Funfair

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 2:19 am

THE INTRANCER wrote:
Thu Apr 22, 2021 3:47 pm
one day I'll have the courage to end it all, and my family will understand,
No, they wont. They'll be hurt and traumatised by it, and they'll never get over it.

Please contact Samaritans or some other similar support group.

https://www.samaritans.org/scotland/how ... samaritan/
John Titor died for your sins!

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KVRian
967 posts since 2 Oct, 2016 from Planet X-19

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 4:26 am

Loathe to post in this sort of thread but really, I concur with the last couple of posts, go see a doctor and start some medication and get some counselling. Touchy feels on the internet will solve nothing if there's a genuine problem, the health professionals are expert and there for a reason.

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addled muppet weed
77444 posts since 26 Jan, 2003 from through the looking glass

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 4:31 am

get the help you need to be better again.

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KVRAF
3919 posts since 6 Nov, 2009

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 7:19 am

chk071 wrote:
Fri Apr 23, 2021 1:52 am
codec_spurt wrote:
Fri Apr 16, 2021 12:48 pm
Sincerely, it's probably not best looking for advise for mental health problems on a music forum.
Basically this (remove the "music forum", and replace it with "any forum"). Also, get professional help, and don't refuse medication. Anything else won't help you at all.
I mean, in my darkest hours, this place was the only place who would listen and not just give me fancy bullshit. People listened, told me I was crazy and to get help. Eventually I did. Important to note that once things get better, it's important to identify if it was situational or biochemical. Sedative medication can cause a bad loop if you stay on it after things have changed, but I needed it for a few years when I was really struggling and it's safer than illicit drugs.

KVRAF
2563 posts since 15 Feb, 2020

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 7:39 am

Sometimes it's just nice to see that one person cares, online or otherwise.

Of course get professional help, but no harm in getting some feels too.

2 compete strangers came to my aid once in a moment of need. They didn't solve anything nor was I looking for a solution. But man did they help at that moment.

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KVRAF
1698 posts since 21 Mar, 2012 from your mom

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 10:18 am

THE INTRANCER wrote:
Thu Apr 22, 2021 3:47 pm
Depression for me, for which I am taking no medication for, is f-ing brutal.... one day I'll have the courage to end it all, and my family will understand, if I don't have an anurism first....
No, they won't understand - so just don't. Dude - depression is a very real and debilitating disease that requires professional medical attention and yes - medication. Please reach out to your local medical professionals and get help. I don't know where you live (think it might be Scotland?) but there has to be local resources available.

Please seek help.
Win 10 | Reason 11 | Studio One 4.5 | i7 3770 @ 3.5 Ghz | 16 GB RAM | Mushkin Reactor 1TB SSD | RME Babyface Pro| Nektar Panorama P-4 | Akai MPC Live | Roland System 8 | Roland TR-8 with 7x7 Expansion | Roland TB-3 | Roland MX-1

KVRAF

Topic Starter

1740 posts since 30 Dec, 2014

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 12:26 pm

For those suggesting I seek help, I'll mention that I have been for the past months. Fifteen to twenty hours talking to Samaritans as well as various other freephone helplines (mentally exhausting) Spoken to three doctors, two psychiatrists (hospital visits), four police officers, phone support (where someone calls you to offer emotional support and advice for a period of 14 days).

I've no intention of taking any medication for what I'm going through, not only because it's a choice I have made but because I have a friend who has been through all that shit, and it made him worse. His brother committed suicide when he was 12, he was on the streets, addicted to heroin and been through all that dark stuff with doctors who suggested to him to take this and that meds for a few months and only to try something else.

Medication is an option, it's not a requirement to be forced upon someone and to have an older brother who has been on medications for practically his whole life due to schizophrenia, an illness (it's not a disease) just as anxiety and depression isn't, it's not a place I want to go... medications have side effects and pretty unpleasant one's, including increasing the risk of suicide. My friend attempted two different methods which I won't go into here.

For me today, I have not been experiencing a long period of stress induced migraines which has made my brain hurt and the flashbacks have diminished also as well although still there. This is really the first day in a while where my thoughts have calmed down... but feeling low is the norm nowadays and one's mood can fluctuate at any time. Dark thoughts do flow past, and it's more about how much attention I give them, so it's a balancing act.

Depression is something I've lived with for pretty much my whole life to some degree... and I have my limit though. Life has been very very dark but nights are getting lighter.
THE INTRANCER - KVR S1-Thread | The Intrancersonic-Design Source Transcend Into Software - Hardware - Music - 2D & 3D Art - Film - Games - VST's - Ensembles - GUI Design - Science & Technology | Soundcloud 28 | Soundclick 16

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KVRAF
3919 posts since 6 Nov, 2009

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 12:33 pm

medications have side effects
Undoubtedly, which which is why I was very careful to word the things I said they way they are worded. Getting off some meds has withdrawls not unlike illegal drugs, but they did help me put up with a very bad situation for a time until I was able to better get on my feet. I haven't read everything you've posted, but are you in a bad spot right now? Financially? Love life? etc? That's what needs fixed if so. If the problem is existential, I have books I can suggest that helped me out. The truth is, we ARE just a bunch of advanced primates jumping around a rock, but it doesn't mean we can't do good and have fun, relative to ourselves and those around us.

KVRAF
2164 posts since 5 Nov, 2014

Post Fri Apr 23, 2021 12:44 pm

THE INTRANCER wrote:
Fri Apr 23, 2021 12:26 pm
Dark thoughts do flow past, and it's more about how much attention I give them, so it's a balancing act.
Exactly, if I gave attention to majority of my thoughts, I would end it too, so I try to keep it light and positive, reject any negative suggestion that comes, dunno, there's so much BS not worth thinking or carrying about, one of them being majority of the things we even write here on KVR, if something makes me frustrated, than it's not worth it, getting into arguments about which synth have best filter and giving yourself into that debate so much that you loose your calmness is just pointless, same goes for making pointless music, if it's not making you feel better, than it's not worth your time. :hug:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGOofzZOyl8

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